Upgrading?

Some dos and don'ts if your precinct is being upgraded...

DON'T

  • Leave valuables in the flat while work is done inside your home.
  • Organise group functions like weddings at the void decks
    while upgrading is in progress.
  • Use your toilet while the waste pipes are being changed
    in the flats below you.
  • Park your vehicle where it might obstruct others.
  • Hang out your washing when the external walls are being painted.




DO
  • Keep to appointments for works inside your flat as
    delays will affect the schedule of works for other flats.
  • Let the information centre know early if you will away,
    eg. on holiday, when work will be done inside flat.
    Arrange for someone to represent you.
  • Arrange for an adult to be in the flat when works are
    carried out inside your home.
  • Expect some inconvenience and disruption to your daily routine.

Guess the title!



Yes, "Expressway jams". Traffic conjestions on the highways can be amusing.
As long as you are not in it.










Snapshots from Mars

[Published on 6 July, 1997]



The Pathfinder space probe sent back a series of breathtaking
colour pictures of Mars just hours after bouncing to a safe
and surprisingly smooth night landing on a boulder-strewn
field of the Red Planet.
The pictures from Pathfinder revealed a mystical,
otherworldly landscapeof wind-blown pink sand, rugged fields
of rocks and boulders and, off in the distance, a beckoning
rolling hillside set against a reddish-brown Martian sky.

AIDS prevention

[Published on 18 Jan, 1998]
In a study done at Tan Tock Seng Hospital, 81 per cent of the
patients were infected through unprotected sex with prostitutes.
Most had visited prostitutes overseas. And elderly men with Aids
have a poorer survival rate, an average of three months,
compared with younger HIV patients.

Car-sharing

[Published on 18 Aug, 1997]
The first car cooperative at Toh Yi estate was launched with a slew
of penalties aimed at the inconsiderate user.
The 125 who have expressed interest in joining the scheme will be
sharing the use of four manual 1.3-litre Mitsubishi Lancers.
But they will have to observe strict rules. For instance, anyone who
returns a car more than 10 minutes late or with the petrol tank less
than a quarter full will have to pay a $25 fine to the next user.

Cartoon Caption Contest, 25 May 2008

If you are participating in this contest,
do remember to paste your entry at the back of an envelope.



When people start thinking alike, they give the same captions:
The kid tells her mum she couldn't find the loo and used the cup.
- 2 entries

The kid asks whether her mum saw the jellyfish/tadpole/crab which
she caught and had left in the cup.
- 5 entries

The kid announces that she forgot where she buried her daddy/
brother/sister/friend.
- More than 25 entries

Here are the shortlisted ones:
"Mom, I think I lost two of my toes."
-Ang Wei Tung

"ICJ just ruled again - Pedra Branca is to be auctioned off on eBay."
- Nicholas Yong

This is the winning entry:
"Dad’s busy! He’s helping a lady look for her bikini top!"
- Rosalind Lim Gek Neo

Paging Sim Choon Wah

Thank you for your cheque, Choon Wah.
Unfortunately, the e-mail address you gave me is invalid.
Can you please contact me?

Crossword proposal

[Published on 11 Jan, 1998]
A New York man found a novel way of proposing to his girlfriend -
he asked The New York Times crossword editor to devise a puzzle
that had "Will You Marry Me" as an answer to one of the clues.
Mr Bill Gottlieb wanted no doubt about the outcome, so he and
puzzle compilers built in another clue with the answer "Yes"
for girlfriend Emily Mindel, an avid fan of the crossword.

Court news

[Published on 15 Jan, 1998]
A woman threw a stamp pad and date stamp at a library's clerical officer
who had refused to renew her books because she had cut the queue.
For that, she was fined S$3,000 by the District Judge.

Much ado about housework

[Published on 3 Aug, 1997]
A Japanese court has ruled in favour of a 33-year-old woman who
divorced her husband after he demanded that she do all the cooking,
cleaning and laundry even though she held a full-time job.
The woman's husband filed a lawsuit demanding that his wife
pay 4.5 million yen in damages for refusing to live with him
soon after their marriage and ultimately divorcing him.
The Tokyo District Court turned down the husband's demand
for damages but ordered the wife to return a 1-million-yen
betrothal gift and her wedding ring.

The lighter side...

[Published on 13 October, 1997]
Three offbeat reports, all happened in Singapore:

MISSING PAINTINGS
A check at an overseas mission revealed four missing paintings.
Also, three paintings seen at the mission were not recorded in
its Art and Artefacts Register. The Foreign Affairs Ministry
headquarters is trying to trace the origins of these paintings.





SEIZED DRUGS STILL IN STORE
The Central Narcotics Bureau has informed Audit that it will
dispose of 5,488 cases of seized drugs by this month. Some drugs
seized from as far back as 1975 are still sitting in the store.





TOO MANY FREE CIGARETTES
The Pelangi Home, which is under the Ministry of
Community Development, receives confiscated cigarettes
from the Customs and Excise Department. Free.
Nearly 27,000 cigarettes could not be accounted for.
The home also said it had 800 inmates when the number
fluctuated between 473 and 489, and so received
more cigarettes than it was entitled to.

Son busted dad



[Published on 19 Dec, 1997]
In California, a man was pulled over for doing 125 kmh in a 88 kmh zone.
Police officers detected the smell of alcohol, and also noted that the driver's
young son was not secured in a car seat. As a field sobriety test was being
administered, the child reached out of the window, holding a bag containing
less than an ounce of marijuana. The boy told the officer the dope was "bad"
and passed it over. Before releasing him to the custody of his mother,
officers gave the boy an Oxnard Police Department Junior Officer badge.
The police made it clear they see him as a new poster-child of sorts for
the local narcotics squad. "In about 20 years, we may interview him for a job,"
said the departmen's spokesman.

Birth of the ERP

[Published on 24 Aug, 1997]
The Land Transport Authority has begun to get all 670,000
or so vehicles here fitted with a hi-tech gadget for the
Electronic Road Pricing (ERP) system.
It sent out letters to the first batch of 50,000 motorists,
asking them to call any of 140 appointed centres for a date
to have the gadget installed.
If they keep to the scheduled period, they will not have to pay.

Scrooge and Heart of Gold

[Published on 21 Sept, 1997]
Media mogul Ted Turner suggested that if charitable giving were more
competitive, the rich would eagerly open their purse strings.

He proposed there be a "Heart of Gold Award" to honour the most generous,
and an "Ebenezer Scrooge Prize" for the biggest tightwads...

: (

I was totally bummed out when I learnt that the docs at Bostons' Shriner Hospital
are unable to provide genital reconstruction for Thien Nhan.
If you know of anyone who has the expertise, please email me.
Thank you.

Some explaining to do

I was going through Book 3, a compilation of some of my past Sunday comics strips,
when I came across this one:



The punchline is not relevant today; but in the mid 90s (the toon was done
in 1995) when the internet was in its infancy, Singaporeans used dialups to
surf the web and were billed by per minute of usuage. I remembered
running up bills of hundreds of dollars per month for a paltry 56k connection.

There was no such thing as "unlimited connection" like now.

So, during that time, if you forgot to log off you are pretty screwed.

Want to look pretty? Join a golf club

[Published on 5 Feb, 1998]
An Indonesian golf club cashed in on the economic crisis by
boasting it offered the cheapest rate in the world for a year of
unlimited rounds. Members will also get 10 per cent off
cosmetic surgery and a T-shirt, among other discounts.
The package for a year of unlimited rounds at the course in
Karawaci, some 30km west of Jakarta, costs 6.995 million rupiah,
or US$650 (S$1,105) at the prevailing exchange rate.

Small change

[Published on 30 March, 1998]
Many banks in Singapore are shutting the door on small depositors
by raising the minimum amounts required to open savings or
fixed deposit accounts.
Reason: they are too costly to administer and not worth the trouble.
The regional economic troubles and general belt-tightening have
forced banks to do more to tackle rising operational costs.

Flats for aged

[Published on 26 March, 1998]
The Housing Board (HDB) unveiled its new studio apartments for
the senior citizens -- homes packed with elderly-friendly features
such as non-slip flooring, lever taps and large electrical switches.
It is the first time that HDB is offering for sale newly-built
flats designed specially for elderly residents.

Zap prevention

[Published on 12 March, 1998]
Singapore has 180 days of thunderstorms a year, one of the
highest
in the world. As such, works have began to make
open areas such
as bus-stops, basketball courts,
school assembly areas and beaches
lightning-safe.

Bus stops will be protected with a metal netting platform buried
under the pavement. This will dissipate the electrical charge from
lightning, making it safe to shelter at a bus stop in a thunderstorm.




More shelters will be erected at the beach, with lightning detection
devices and warning systems. When the system detects impending
lightning, a siren will warn swimmers.





A telephone hotline provides 24-hour, up-to-the-minute information
on where to expect lightning, and other weather information.

Cartoon Caption Contest, 11 May 2008



This is the winning entry:
"No, wait! You can only pick him up at the
designated taxi stands."
- Clara Quek Xue Huan

These are the shortlisted ones:
"Oh god! We will be in trouble for flashing our
headlights at him."
- Wong Chin Twee

"Wow! This human's driving is out of this world!"
- Danielle Gan May Ann

"I heard that this device can vanish into thin air
late at night and reappear after midnight.
We must have one of those."
- Chua Cher Chay

"We can sell the petrol and buy ourselves some arms."
- Narisa Chan

"Surely the cabbie has seen scarier things than us
up above, such as the ERP..."
- Marcus Lim Zhi Wei

And my personal favourite:
"No, no, no... this specimen NEVER stops talking.
Don't take him!"
- Goh Soo Teck

Helping hands

May Lian, a reader and donor, wrote me an email which described exactly
why I started this blog.

Here is an excerpt: "I was thinking about my own efforts and how limited
it has been... Thien Nhan's more immediate need is to fix his urethra.
This is a daily functional task that is impaired and has affected his quality
of life. Then there is the hormonal medication that he needs to aid him
in his growth spurt. These immediate financing is lost too many."

Thien Nhan's genitals won't be fully rebuilt until he's near his teens.
Elka, who is raising funds for the child, also expressed concerns that
when Thien Nhan grows up and is no longer an adorable baby,
donations may dwindle.

Please do not let that happen. Let's help him all the way. Thank you.

Soccer widows

[Published on 14 Dec, 1997]
Hundreds of Italian football widows, women abandoned every
weekend by their soccer-crazed partners, are striking back.
An association called "Victims of Football" said that it would hold
a mass rally in Ariccia, south of Rome.
One woman threatened to leave her husband if he continued to
abandon her every time his favourite team was playing.

Hotel woes

Hotels have long had a tricky problem: guests with sticky fingers.
These travellers do not just lift free amenities such as shampoo,
body lotion and soap. Instead, they help themselves to ashtrays,
coat hangers and towels, especially those monogrammed with the
hotel's name. They also remove food and drinks from minibars and
later deny having consumed the items. Hotel analysts estimate that
the industry loses more than US$100 million a year from in-room theft
and replacement of worn items.

Satellite TV: a No No

The year was 1998.
A reader wrote to the papers asking why
satellite television is banned in Singapore.

That was a decade ago (I am typing this in 2008).
And satellite television is still banned.



Thank goodness for the internet, eh?

HDB Q

Singaporeans get new Housing Board flats for various
reasons.
Some need a place to stay urgently others might
be planning
many years ahead. Below is a close-up of
some family types
in the HDB queue:

MONEY-MAKERS
Cashing in on rising property prices, some families book a new flat they
don’t need, so they can make a profit when they sell their old one.
The money could be used as a retirement fund, for children’s education,
invested or splurged on a grand tour.





EMPTY-NESTERS
The elderly couple whose children have moved into their own homes,
and downgrade to a smaller flat.





REAL UPGRADERS

Large families that first bought their three- or four-room flat years ago
and now need more space for growing children and ageing grandparents.





WEEKENDERS

Young couples who buy and get the keys to their HDB flats soon after they marry,
but prefer to live with parents and use their own flats as weekend getaways.





VISIONARIES

They plan way ahead and book a flat they don’t need, just so their son
will have one when he’s of marrying age.





LOVEBIRDS' NEST

Young couples who seal their early romance by signing on the dotted line of
an application for a flat while at university, so it will be ready when they
are ready to settle down five years or so down the road.

School survey

[Published on 9 Dec, 1995]
39% of Singaporeans thought the introduction of
independent schools was a bad idea. This was why:





79% of the people polled feel that sex education should be taught.





Was the amount of school homework given too much?
34% of the students said "YES".
Believe it or not, even more parents (41%) agreed too!

Do they really match up?

[Published on 14 Dec, 1997]
In December 1996, the first Mercedes-Benz cabs were rolled out.
For a booking fee of $8 to $10, customers are supposed to
receive quality service, including extras such as a choice
of music from CDs, magazines and mineral water.
Were the rides as good as promised?

THUMBS UP: Comfortable, clean ride.




THUMBS UP:
Polite drivers.




THUMBS DOWN:
No promised perks.

Cartoon Caption Contest, 04 May 2008

caption_mom_kid.jpg
This one received so many good entries that

the judges had a hard time deciding on the winner.

We narrowed the funny captions down to four:

"Principal Lee? You want volunteers to test
if the HFMD vaccine for children really works?
Only 3 jabs, ah?"
- Tham Yew Kong

"Oh really? Minimum age to enter NS has dropped
to 10?"
- Asmawati Saimon

"Is this Singapore Idol hotline? I can audition
over the phone? Okay, here I go..."
- Allan Tan

And this is the winning entry:
"Okay! I’m taking my son to the dentist now,
don’t want him to have four teeth like me!"
- Low Dewei

Chew On It! T-shirt

Here's another way you can help Thien Nhan --
by owning a Chew On It! T-shirt.



Made of 100% cotton, it has a print of the three kids from the
Tan household (the family on which my Sunday comic strip is based).

Production of this T-shirt is sponsored by The Straits Times and SingTel,
hence the logos.



Available in Heather Grey or White,
and in sizes M and XL.
Sizes S & L no longer available.



Each T-shirt costs a minimum S$15.
Singapore Press Holdings is footing the shipping cost.

Please pay more if you can.

All proceeds will go to Thien Nhan.


To order by post, write a cheque made payable to:

LEE CHEE CHEW

and mail it to:

Lee Chee Chew
ST Art Dept
Singapore Press Holdings
1000 Toa Payoh North
Podium, 2nd storey
Singapore 318994


Please indicate your name, e-mail, address, T-shirt size and colour choice
clearly at the back of the cheque.

Alternatively, you can order through e-mail and make your payment
by
bank wire transfer, either online or via a DBS/POSBank ATM.
(This is the preferred method -- faster than cheques and saves trees too!)

Email me for more info. Thank you.

PS: If you already have the T-shirt and book, please donate anyway! :)

Your foot!

To find out what is your feet type, wet your feet
then step onto a dry surface to get an imprint.
Now compare it with these diagrams...


There are two kinds of flat feet -- anatomical and functional.
People with anatomically flat feet are born with them.
Those with functional flat feet, however, have a natural
walking gait that causes the feet to flatten out or
'pronate' totally when they walk. This causes strain to the
feet and can lead to ligament and knee injuries.







Feet pronate a little during each step and this acts as
a natural shock absorber.







Feet’s anatomy is naturally arched and the feet do not
flatten out during walking so the feet do not help to
absorb shocks. Hence shocks are transmitted to rest
of the body and this can lead to pain and aches.