CHEW ON IT!

Making a mountain out of a molehill?

2011-08-13T21:47:00.001+08:00

At a convocation ceremony, a student blurted out a profanity at the end of her speech.

And for the next 14 days:

The New Paper made it a cover story and devoted four prime pages to the 'news'
Columnists of The Straits Times wrote lengthy commentaries about it
Readers sent letters to the press to give their take on the incident

It's amusing to see how such a small incident can garner so much attention!

Banned! (Part 2)

2011-07-29T16:02:00.007+08:00

The following strip was scheduled to appear on 2011 July 31;
but, as usual, the editors were concerned that it might be construed as
a reflection of our judicial system (which wasn't my intention)
and it subsequently didn't make it to print.

So here it is, online!

An incident at a train station

2011-06-11T14:49:00.008+08:00

Venue:
Toa Payoh Station

Date:
2011 June 10

Time:
Around 11.30am

So there I was, waiting for the train.

When it arrived, one teenage girl approached the platform door.

Then I noticed she had left her pink wallet on the bench.
So I called out to her and gestured towards it.

She went back to get it and entered the train.

No "thank you", no expression of gratitude, nothing.
As a matter of fact, she looked as if I had caused her
a colossal inconvenience by making her retrieve her wallet.

Quite an interesting response, don't you think?

Just for fun

2011-02-25T15:06:00.001+08:00

Here's a silly clip I've made with my nephew who,
incidentally, was born on the same year and day as Thien Nhan.
I hope you'll enjoy the ending.

Miracle Baby

2011-01-15T20:06:00.002+08:00

Thien Nhan is now in Italy for an important surgery: to construct a penis
from the upper groin area that will actually 'grow' with him.
This major procedure will be carried out by the famous Italian surgeon
Dr. Roberto DeCastro from Bologna, Italy. The operation will take between
7 and 9 hours and the post-op recovery will be at least 14 to 20 days.

According to Greig Craft, the key organiser of Thien Nhan's surgeries,
Thien Nhan is expected to have an age-appropriate size penis, and scrotum
(with prosthetic testicles). Because his urethra is not damaged,
urination should not be a problem. And due to some nerves that were
not damaged, the penis should have sensation, and even the possibility
to have an erection. Of course, there are complications that can arise,
but we are confident about the prognosis.

The surgery (after discount) will cost 33,600 euros (approx US$45,000).
Associated costs, travel and accommodation for 3 weeks will add another
US$20,000.

As there could be a necessity to stay longer for follow-up care,
the overall total may come up to US$75,000.

Greig will cover his personal costs and travel and will be contributing US$10,000.
On top of that, him, Mai Anh and Elka have raised another US$10,000.
And with our (that is, you readers and myself) latest contribution of US$14,000,
we are near the half-way mark of the targeted US$75,000 for this
life-changing operation. Mai Anh's family are pooling their savings
and during the next two weeks will go all out to get in other contributions.

So if you'd like to lend a hand, please email me.

You can buy my book (see sidebar on the left) and/or a T-shirt.
Or simply just by donating. Thank you.

‘Butt Bandit’ leaves his mark on small town

2011-01-15T19:37:00.001+08:00

[Published on 13 September, 2008]

A small Nebraska town is the target of a smear campaign
by a vandal. Beginning more than a year ago, a man has been
skipping from one business to another at night, pressing his
naked behind -- sometimes his groin, sometimes both --
on windows.

Store owners, church workers and school janitors have had to
wash lotion and petroleum jelly off the windows he hits.
"This is the weirdest case I’ve ever seen," said a police chief.
Some residents of Valentine, a remote central US town of about
2,650 people, find some humour in the strange vandalism and have
taken to calling the perpetrator the "Butt Bandit".

The acts first started when the window of a Methodist church
was greased with an imprint.

During one particularly brazen session, virtually all the
windows at a local hotel were imprinted.

No one has a clue as to who the vandal is, except that he is
about 1.8m tall and slender, with a dark complexion and
dark hair styled in a "1980s, feathered look".

When terrorists strike -- A Survival Guide

2011-01-15T17:20:00.000+08:00

In an event of an enemy attack, Singaporeans can seek refuge
in one of the North-East Line MRT stations.

These stations can be transformed into bomb shelters, with facilities
like tunnel blast doors and flexible ventilation ducts.

Another feature is the no-flush dry toilets.

The user places a plastic bag over the bucket.
When done, the bag containing waste is removed...

...and voila, our very own biological weapon!

Paint me nude please, say Singaporeans

2011-01-15T17:13:00.001+08:00

[Published on 22 September, 2002]

Tai-tais, the darlings of designer boutiques, luxurious spas and
top-notch restaurants, are baring their bodies to total strangers.
So are well-paid professional women and housewives with young children.
Money is changing hands too, and it is not going to the nude models.

The naked truth is that women in conservative Singapore are paying
artists up to $30,000 to depict them nude.

Unlike the current exhibition of nude paintings at the Singapore Art
Museum, these portraits will probably never appear in a public space.
They belong in the privacy of the customers' bedrooms.

In most cases, the subject commissions the work as a gift for her spouse.
Depending on the artist and the size of the painting, the price tag
can range from $3,000 to $30,000.

Plan B

2011-01-15T16:46:00.001+08:00

[Published on 17 June, 2002]

No commuter wants a bus/train fare hike. Here are some money-making
alternatives which transport operators can adopt:

OPTION 1
During off-peak hours, buses can double as tour coaches,
with drivers announcing the sights to tourists along the way.
The tours can be themed according to the routes the buses ply.

OPTION 2
Buses travel all over the island. The bus company can supplement
its earnings by introducing a courier service: with drivers
making deliveries along the routes.

OPTION 3
Air conditioners are a high-maintenance luxury.
Save money by doing away with them.

And make money by starting a franchise at each bus stop.

OPTION 4
Pack in more commuters by folding up the seats, which can be unlocked
by anyone who pays $1 after flashing an ez-link card at a scanner:

Only the elderly and pregnant women can get their money back
at the ticket office.

OPTION 5
Why raise fares when there already is a surefire money-maker in place --
the laborious process of commuters getting their money back for faulty
ez-link cards...

Marriage algebra tells if 1 + 1 will split into 2

2011-01-15T16:36:00.000+08:00

[Published on 09 August, 2003]

A mathematician says he can predict with almost total accuracy
which newly wed couples will enjoy a happy marriage --
using two lines of algebra.

Professor James Murray says the two formulae he devised
have a 94% success rate when it comes to forecasting
whether a couple will stay together.

The formulae were calculated during a 10-year study of 700 couples
in the United States conducted by Prof Murray, a mathematics
professor at the University of Washington in Seattle.

The experiment, conducted with the help of a psychologist,
involved observing the couples during a 15-minute conversation
when they were newly married, Prof Murray said.

A couple's ability to communicate on subjects such as sex,
child-rearing or money was measured using a scale that gave
positive points for good signals, such as smiles and
affectionate gestures, and negative points for bad signals,
such as rolling of the eyes, mockery and coldness.

"We used an accepted psychological scoring system to
award them points, such as minus three for scorn and
plus two for humour," Prof Murray said.
The points were then converted into algebraic terms,
enabling the study's authors to make divorce projections.

The results were fed into two equations.
The equations were used to calculate the compatibility
of the couples by adding a series of other variables such as
an 'influence function' that differed for each couple.
The 'influence function' measured how much someone's
contribution to the conversation dictated the mood of
his or her spouse.

The couples were tracked every two years and the model
predicted which marriages failed with almost complete accuracy.

Prof Murray said: "I was absolutely astonished.
The key thing that comes out of it is that we have been able
to calculate how people interact. For example, the wife
might be a conflict avoider and the husband might be volatile.
That marriage would not survive."

But positive things can be taken from the formulae, he added.
"It points out why some people are having problems and
can show what action has to be taken to save the marriage," he said.

Baby Gloom

2011-01-15T15:55:00.004+08:00

[Published on 24 August, 2003]

This year, the birth rate may fall to its lowest in 26 years.
If Singapore does not have enough people in the future, what is life
going to be like for babies when they grow up? Some scenarios...

NATIONAL SERVICE: A four-year stint?

Boys may have to serve four years of national service instead of 2-and-a-half years.
And girls may also be drafted. A security analyst of the Institute of Defence and
Strategic Studies presented this as a possible scenario.

Who else, he asked, is going to defend the country if the pool of the young and
fit shrinks every year?

To further enlarge the pool, he suggested making it compulsory for permanent
residents to bear arms.

LIVING SPACE: Small flats, few condo facilities?

Country clubs and condominiums with landscaped swimming pools won't be popular.
Pay-per-use facilities and smaller apartments may spring up for mobile young
professionals who won't want to pay for country clubs or condo facilities they won't use.

But the ageing population will have an even greater impact on urban planning:
more land for nursing homes for elderly singles, and 'boutique apartments' for
wealthier independent seniors. These may have hairdressing, manicure and
pedicure services downstairs, and laundry and kitchen services.

They may also have a mahjong room and a place for residents to get a medical
check-up or botox shots to iron out the wrinkles.

There would also be duplex apartments, where parents and their children
could live in separate units in the same compound.

And there would be fewer stairs and kerbs.

SOCIETY: A spoilt, self-indulgent people?

Nation of spoilt self-indulgent adults who abhor parenthood could be
the ultimate result if successive generations have fewer and fewer children.

If married couples have fewer children, the value of these children
will rise tremendously.

For example, in China, the one-child policy has led some parents to
spend their life savings on a child's material wants.

The value of parenting may also be eroded.

Current social expectations are still for couples to conceive. But if more
remain childless by choice, not having children may be seen as the norm.
Marriage rates may fall due to the lack of desire to be a parent.

Then there are the implications of ageing. It won't be easy for a couple to
support two sets of ageing parents as well as a child of their own.
And what of childless couples who must rely on institutional care
when they grow old? The state may have to step in as the surrogate child.

WORKPLACE: More foreigners, older workers?

Imagine a small productive labour force supporting a large, non-productive
pool of senior citizens.

"The most serious consequence (of declining birth rates) is that of maintaining
the ageing population," said an economist.

Growth is hampered and living standards drop.

And if working adults are taxed heavily to support the ageing, they may emigrate.
An influx of foreigners would make this scenario unlikely.

Lot 25

2011-01-15T13:04:00.000+08:00

On 16 January 2011, S$17,735.02 (excluding my donation) was transferred to
Thien Nhan. To the following contributors: Thank You...

Sally Lam (S$25, monthly)
Tay Chern Hui (S$25, monthly)
Leslie Koh (S$50)
Yeo Lili (S$200)
Rohda Chua (S$20)
Tan Ann Kok (S$50)
Calvin Kuan (S$50)
Sadie-Jane Nunis (S$30, repeat donor)
Ariel Loh (S$50, repeat donor)
Leona Ang (S$50, monthly)
Miel (S$50, monthly)
Miel (S$50, bonus!)
Elaine Lim (S$80)
Cecil, Lawrence and Tze Xiang (S$100)
Sally Lam (S$25, monthly)
Tay Chern Hui (S$25, monthly)
Wong Siew Ling (S$128.88)
Tan Bee Leng (S$100)
Ting Chuan Yew (S$100)
Anonymous (£3,000/S$6,213)
Ariel Loh (S$50, repeat donor)
Leona Ang (S$50, monthly)
Sadie-Jane Nunis (S$20, repeat donor)
Eric Chang (S$200)
Miel (S$50, monthly)
Sally Lam (S$25, monthly)
Leona Ang (S$200, bonus!)
Leona Ang (S$50, monthly)
Anonymous (£1,000/S$2,077)
Ariel Loh (S$50, repeat donor)
Yam Yu En (S$100)
Miel (S$50, monthly)
Tay Chern Hui (S$25, monthly)
Peggy Tan (S$30)
Joey Lim (S$55.55)
Ong Teng Hong (S$150, repeat donor)
Ruphy (S$50.20)
Stella Lim Su Lian (S$200, repeat donor)
Cheow Soing Yen (S$20)
Edris Lim Shin Xuan (S$50)
Ephraim Josh Yeo (S$100)
Ariel Loh (S$50, repeat donor)
Leona Ang (S$50, monthly)
Valerie Ng (S$20, repeat donor)
Ariel Loh (S$50, repeat donor)
Leona Ang (S$50, repeat donor)
Jimmy Kean (S$50)
Bart Broadman (S$500)
Parag Desai (S$51, repeat donor)
Eric Quek Thye Chuan (S$50.55, repeat donor)
Sun Li & baby Xing Yi (S$20.55)
Linda Lum Seaw Wai (S$250.22, repeat donor)
Miel (S$50, monthly)
Tay Chern Hui (S$25, monthly)
Kenny Tay (S$100.88)
Jackie Yeo (S$200)
Alan Ang (S$200)
Eric Quek Thye Chuan (S$50.55)
Tan Lee Choo (S$200)
Anonymous 2004 (S$2,000)
Valerie Ng (S$20, repeat donor)
Chua Kee Chin, Tang Chong Woei and Mark Yeo (S$128.80, repeat donors)
Karen Ng (S$100.10)
Darryl Loh (S$88.88)
Linda Lum Seaw Wai (S$250.22)
Leona Ang (S$50, monthly)
Janet Chua (S$50)
Stella Lim Su Lian (S$200, repeat donor)
Miel (S$50, monthly)
Sally Lam (S$25, monthly)
Jasper Koh (S$288)
Sadie-Jane Nunis, second donation (S$15.88)
Ariel Loh (S$50, repeat donor)
Leona Ang (S$50, monthly)
Ariel Loh (S$50, repeat donor)
Valerie Ng (S$50, repeat donor)
Tay Chern Hui (S$25, monthly)
Sally Lam (S$25, monthly)
Leona Ang (S$50, monthly)
Sadie-Jane Nunis (S$20.88)
Teresa Foo (S$200)
Tang Hang Wu (S$318.88)
Terence Yong (S$500)
Miel (S$50, monthly)
Sally Lam (S$25, monthly)
Tay Chern Hui (S$25, monthly)
Ng Geok Peng (S$60)

It's going to be a shorter wait for NY women

2011-01-14T18:44:00.000+08:00

[Published on 11 Aug, 2002]

A harsh inequity of being a woman is suffering long lines at public toilets
while men come and go with barely any delay.

Now, New York wants to do something about it.

Its City Council introduced legislation that will double the number of
public bathrooms for women by making it mandatory that large buildings
and public spaces have a two-to-one ratio of women's to men's rooms.

"For too long now women have had to stand in line and watch our
male counterparts traipsing through restrooms with ease while
we waste valuable time waiting in line," said a Brooklyn council member.

The Restroom Equity Bill requires all renovations and new construction
in New York to provide more women's toilets in all public areas.
It is not meant for small establishments with just one men's room and
one women's room.

The Bill allows for some men's rooms to be converted to women's toilets,
so that building owners need not build new facilities.

BIG-HEARTED PEOPLE!

2011-01-14T17:00:00.000+08:00

S$100,033.17

This is the amount sent to Thien Nhan as of 17 January 2011
(excluding my donations).

A big Thank You to my readers and colleagues who have made
their contributions since my cause started in April 2008:

Aayun Budhathoki (S$20)
Adam Lee (S$20)
Adam Yeo (S$58)
Adarsh Bala (S$1,200)
Adeline Wang & Bernard Ng (S$600)
Adrian Tan (S$15)
Aggie Teng (S$101)
Agnes & Jefferson (S$50)
Aini Sregantan & Miel (S$50)
Alaka Rajan Skinner (S$100)
Alan Ang (S$200)
Alex Ting (S$100)
Alfi (S$100)
Algean Tan (S$200)
Alice Chong Chui Ping (S$50)
Aline K (S$20)
All Sentient Beings (S$250)
Alton Tan (S$200.22)
Alvin Toh (S$50)
Amelia Teo (S$15)
Amsyar Ishak (S$15)
Amy Choong (S$150)
Andrew & Sheryl Teng (S$50)
Andrew Koh (S$50)
Andy Chew (S$20)
Andy Lau (S$100)
Andy Quak (S$100)
Ang Soon Tee (S$1,000)
Angela Hon (S$600)
Angie Chiew (S$50.50)
Angus Lou (S$50.50)
Anna Cheong (S$50)
Anne Tan Lay Ann (S$200)
Annette Chew (S$250)
Annette Chua (S$432)
Annie Leong (S$50)
Anonymous (£4,000/S$8,290)
Anonymous (S$1,000)
Anonymous (S$100)
Anonymous (S$100)
Anonymous (S$100)
Anonymous (S$100.20)
Anonymous (S$150)
Anonymous (S$150)
Anonymous (S$151.50)
Anonymous (S$190)
Anonymous (S$20)
Anonymous (S$200)
Anonymous (S$200)
Anonymous (S$200)
Anonymous (S$200)
Anonymous (S$200)
Anonymous (S$30)
Anonymous (S$30)
Anonymous (S$50)
Anonymous (S$50)
Anonymous (S$50)
Anonymous (S$500)
Anonymous (S$500)
Anonymous (S$501)
Anonymous 2004 (S$2,000)
Anson & Pau Hwei (S$70)
Anthony Pascoe (S$250)
Ariel Loh (S$1,080)
Audrey Heng (S$15)
Aurelia Lim (S$40)
Azlan bin Mohamed Yuni (S$100)
Barclays Capital - Finance (S$3,841)
Bart Broadman (S$500)
Bernice Khoo (S$200)
Betsy Chng (S$300)
Brandon Ong (S$40)
Bretault Francois (S$50)
Bully, The Dog (S$100)
Cai Zong Zhen (S$100)
Calvin Kuan (S$50)
Calvin Tay (S$40)
Camomile & Athrin (S$100)
Canbenice Sim (S$21)
Caren Choo (S$150)
Carine & Jayden Lie (S$200)
Catherine Lee (S$30)
Cathrin Poh (S$80)
Cecil, Lawrence and Tze Xiang (S$100)
Cecilia Lim (S$50)
Ceding Han Sack Teng (S$200)
Chaar Tim & Avryl (S$100)
Chandra (S$15)
Chang May Lian (S$500)
Charles Gooi (S$500)
Charlotte Teo (S$20)
Charnice Koh (S$50)
Cheong Yeong Jiun (S$33.33)
Cheow Soing Yen (S$20)
Chew Khek Woi & Elaine Chang (S$30)
Chia Pui Yen (S$200)
Chia Yung Wee (S$15)
Chong Chin Keong (S$60.12)
Choo Kee Fong (S$151)
Choo Kwee Mui (S$100)
Choy Siok Mun (S$50)
Christianty Nur (S$100)
Christina Chua (S$15)
Christina Leong (S$20)
Christina Liaw (S$50)
Christine Choo (S$60)
Christine Chow (S$22.28)
Christine Teo (S$10)
Chua Kee Chin, Tang Chong Woei & Mark Yeo (S$248.80)
Chun Shi Kang (S$50)
Chung Pei Ling (S$50)
Claire Chong (S$80)
Clara (S$50)
Clement Ng (S$60)
Cleomanda Yap (S$50)
Colin Ong (S$700)
Crystalz Ong (S$100)
Darran Kuah (S$400)
Darren Sim Ching Thek (S$300)
Darryl Loh (S$88.88)
Dave Yam (S$150)
David Goldwich & Miel (S$500)
David Seck (S$50)
Dawn Ng (S$30.01)
Dawn Tok (S$107)
Delia Tay (S$100)
Delphine Koh (S$15)
Delwyn Tay (S$75)
Desmond Sim (S$833)
Diana Lim (S$200)
Dolly Lim (S$565)
Dominic Lim (S$30)
Don Low (S$50)
Edris Lim Shin Xuan (S$50)
Edward Lee Wee Kok (S$250)
Effi Jono (S$500)
Eileen Tay (S$50)
Elaine Choo (S$200)
Elaine Lim (S$80)
Eleanor Tan (S$78.90)
Elizabeth Tan (S$123.45)
Elsie Chia (S$50)
Emily Chan YH (S$50)
Ephraim Josh Yeo (S$100)
Eric Chang (S$200)
Eric Choong (S$100)
Eric Lim/flowerpod.sg (S$1,500)
Eric Quek Thye Chuan (S$101.10)
Ernesto Bonanomi (S$500)
Ester Tan (S$100)
Esther Cheh (S$30.88)
Esther Tan (S$100)
Ethan Tang Chung Lam (S$50)
Eugene Tan Chin Chong & Ha Lai Yee (S$90)
Eureka (S$15)
Evelyn Choo Li-Fang (S$50)
Evon Lee Ee Hoon (S$50)
Evonne Tee (S$200)
Fabian Ang (S$50)
Faye Yeo (S$100)
Fion Liang (S$50)
Florence Cheong (S$53)
Foo Kok Jiam (S$10)
Francis Lim & Christina (S$30)
Francis Zhang Zeyi (S$100)
Gan Yong Lee, Goh Gek Hong & James Lim (S$80)
Garey Tioh (S$50)
George Tan (S$100)
Geraldine (S$100)
Gine Ow (S$50)
Goh Chia Hui (S$20)
Goh Geok Soo (S$500)
Goh Ting Yun (S$100)
Grace Tan Lee Yin (S$150)
Ha Yeak Yee (S$10)
Han Siew Moi (S$200)
Hayati Bte Ismail (S$50)
Hazel Lian Siao Yean (S$1,000)
Helen Sim (S$50)
Helen Tan (S$60)
Heng Wen Xiu (S$15)
Henry Liew (S$100)
Ho Hui Sian (S$50)
Ho Ju Lee (S$65)
Ho Tack Cheong (S$50)
Ho Wen Yi (S$50)
Ho Yin Kiat & Yeo Siew Peng (S$100)
Hon Yanni & Hon Ethan (S$100)
How & Lei (S$30)
Hsu Yu (S$30)
Hwee Ching (S$100)
Ian Yong's piggy bank (S$2.40)
Icbacchus (S$1,600)
Ignatius Lim Kai Jun (S$50)
Irene Koh (S$51)
Irene Lee (S$45)
Isaac Lam Jun Heng (S$100)
Isabelle Yap (S$50)
Ivy Chan (S$200)
Jack & Ethan Ng (S$300)
Jack Heo (S$400)
Jackie Goh (S$100)
Jackie Yeo (S$200)
Jacky Lee (S$50)
James & Janice (S$100)
James Bay (S$2,000)
Jane Chung (S$60)
Jane Tan (S$30.33)
Janet Chua (S$209)
Janet Chua (S$50)
Janice Foo (S$10)
Janice Lee (S$100)
Janti Jono (S$750)
Jared Foo (S$100)
Jas Lim (S$50)
Jasper Koh (S$288)
Jeff Zachary (S$50)
Jennifer Wong Poh San (S$100)
Jenny Leow Boon Kian (S$20)
Jenny Tang (S$200)
Jeslyn Lim (S$200)
Jessica Goh (S$201)
Jessie Lim (S$15)
Jimmy Kean (S$50)
Jimmy Lee (S$100)
Jo Siau Ing (S$750)
Jo Sui Ing (S$150)
Joan Lee (S$500)
Joan Teng (S$235)
Joan Yang (S$65)
Joanne Chua/Ken Danish Yohana Chua (S$30)
Jocelyn Chew, Jennie Tan & Jaslyn Yeow (S$150.80)
Joey Lim (S$55.55)
Joey Ong (S$100)
Johnson Lee (S$150)
Jonathan Kek (S$30)
Jonathan Yeo (S$50)
Jooee Ong (S$100)
Joseph Lum Kum Chew (S$400)
Joshton Tan (S$50)
Joy Lim Siew Bee (S$1,000)
Joyce Sim (S$100)
Jude Tan Kim Chooi (S$80)
Juli Jumar (S$20)
Julie Ho (S$1,000)
June Ling Hui Fong (S$20)
K R Vignesh (S$108.88)
Kai Lee (S$200)
Kan Weng Khay (S$30)
Kang Huey Yi (S$50)
Kang Kim Liang (S$300)
Karen Ng (S$100.10)
Karen Wong (S$100)
Kathleen Koh (S$100)
KC Chang (S$50)
Kee Boon Lee (S$20)
Kelvin (S$30)
Kenneth Yeo (S$200)
Kenny Goh (S$200)
Kenny Tay (S$100.88)
Kevin Cheong Kin Loon (S$222.22)
Kevin Chua (S$15)
Khambali Wahab (S$50)
Kim Tian (S$100)
Kim Yu (S$50)
Kitty Lam (S$35)
Koh Choong Yong (S$100)
Koh Eng Kie (S$15)
Koh Hui Kheng (S$50)
Koh Keow Beng (S$50)
Koh Meng Hwa (S$120)
Kua Bee Kuan (S$500)
Kuah Sok Khim (S$100)
Kuck Shaw Chian (S$50)
Kweh Seow Chin (S$30)
Lai & Tong (S$500)
Lai Jun Wei (S$100)
Lam Kok Kong (S$51)
Lam Siew Toh (S$50)
Lee Chi Kin (S$100)
Lee Siew Lan (S$30)
Lee Wee Eng (S$100)
Lee Yen Soon & Siok Cheng (S$200.08)
Leon Wong KL (S$50)
Leona (S$200)
Leona Ang (S$900)
Leonard Fong (S$88.88)
Leonard Tan (S$100)
Leonica Teo (S$15)
Leslie Koh (S$50)
Lewis Leong (S$100)
Lijun & Yingliang (S$100)
Lim Boon Gee (S$100)
Lim Chee Hooi (S$200)
Lim Chia (S$50)
Lim Chye Tin (S$50)
Lim Huay Bak (S$100)
Lim Kong Hui (S$650)
Lim Ming Hai (S$102)
Lim Say Tai (S$100)
Lim Sok Eng (S$50)
Lim Theng Theng (S$50)
Lim Yi Jing (S$40)
Lin (S$300)
Linda Lum Seaw Wai (S$500.44)
Loh Guo Wei (S$20)
Loh Wenbo (S$200)
Loke Wai Liam (S$150)
Low Siew Hua (S$150)
Low Yeo Kiang (S$100)
Lynette Teng (S$200)
Madelene Ng (S$200)
Magdalene Leong (S$50)
Maggie Goh Chee Gee (S$50)
Marcus & See Chia (S$100)
Maria Poon Mui Ying (S$1,300)
Marie Seah (S$100)
Mark & Jacinta Rozells (S$150)
Mark Hong (S$50)
Marvin Ang (S$65)
Mavis & Jason (S$50)
May Chee (S$460)
May Lim (S$100)
May Lui (S$500)
Megan Lim (S$100)
Mei Yew (S$100)
Meiliany Wu (S$100)
Miel (S$1,500)
Mini-Secatan (S$27.77)
Miss New (S$40)
Monica & Brian Lawrence (S$388.88)
Mun Sook Fun (S$50)
Nancy Koh (S$15)
Ng Chee Yong (S$50)
Ng Geok Peng (S$60)
Ng Ker Rui (S$50)
Ng Kim Chew (S$10.80)
Ng Min Hua (S$200)
Ngo (S$100)
Ning & Hans (S$88)
NParks (S$150)
Nurhayati Ismail (S$30)
Nursyahirah & Nursyazana (S$50)
Olivia Tang (S$300)
Ong Beng Choo (S$15)
Ong Kim (S$150)
Ong Teng Hong (S$500)
Ophelius (S$150)
Papa Eric (S$100)
Parag Desai (S$153)
Patricia Leong (S$200)
Paul Chacko (S$100)
Paul Lim (S$90)
Pauline Low Mei Mei (S$400)
Peggy Liem (S$200)
Peggy Tan (S$30)
Peh Siew Choo (S$50)
Peter Koh Teck Keng (S$50)
Peter Lim (S$130)
Phua Ser Jin (S$150)
Quek Hong Shin (S$100)
Rachel Lim (S$100)
Rachel Teo (S$30)
Rama Yusril (S$325)
Ramesh (S$101)
Ranjan & Limei Vaswani (S$300)
Rebecca Sim, Daphne Chua & James Teo (S$60)
Republic Polytechnic EcoTrail 3.0 Team & Amran Mohamed (S$200)
Richard Chan (S$100.88)
Richard Lee (S$50)
Richard Teo Wei Kiat (S$100)
Richard Yeo (S$200)
Rick Chan Weng Kheong (S$50)
Rio Goh Khi Hao (S$50.20)
Robert Singayya (S$50)
Robin & Joyce (S$500)
Rohda Chua (S$20)
Ronnie Wan Chee Khoon (S$115)
Rosalind Phang (S$65.21)
Roy Tan (S$500)
Roy Teng (S$10)
Rudy Teo (S$15)
Ruphy (S$50.20)
S V Arumugam (S$200)
Sabrina Tan (S$100)
Sadie-Jane Nunis (S$86.76)
Salahuddi & Khatijah (S$50)
Sally Lam (S$700)
Sally Lam C M (S$100)
Sally Ong (S$30)
Sangeetha Yogendran (S$50)
Seah Bee Hong (S$50)
Seah Leong Khai (S$50)
Seah Meng Hwee (S$50)
Sean Hee (S$50)
Seet Hee Him (S$100)
Seok Tin Tay (S$100)
Serena Koh (S$20)
Serena Low (S$50)
Serene Lee LG (S$100)
Shannon Tay (S$50)
Shareen Lee (S$50)
Sharon Ng (S$200)
Shawn Li Zhi Jie (S$100)
Sheena Foo See Nam (S$150)
Sherry Chen (S$65)
Sherry Teo (S$53)
Shih Chih Chuan (S$30)
Shirlynn Su (S$50)
Sim Choon Wah (S$80)
Simon Ho W M (S$100)
Staff of Citibank Singapore Ltd (S$740)
Staff of HTL International (S$325)
Star (ATAUVAA BOSCO) (S$80)
Stefanie Yu (S$10)
Stella Lim Su Lian (S$2,850)
Steven Lee (S$100)
Sujanto Jono (S$750)
Summer (S$15)
Sun Li & baby Xing Yi (S$20.55)
Sunny Tan (S$250)
Susan Lee (S$60)
Susan Sik (S$100)
Tan Ann Kok (S$50)
Tan Bee Kee (S$200)
Tan Bee Leng (S$100)
Tan Beng Feng & Chan Han Kiang (S$300)
Tan Beng Feng (S$250)
Tan Beng Keat (S$50)
Tan Chee Hwee (S$200)
Tan Chee Khiang (S$950)
Tan Choh Nging (S$50)
Tan JingYu (S$50)
Tan Keng Siong (S$200.50)
Tan Kok Yong (S$100)
Tan Lee Choo (S$200)
Tan May Yee (S$500)
Tan Mei Li (S$115)
Tan Shi Jia (S$20)
Tan Siew Yam (S$100)
Tan Soon Beng (S$100)
Tan Wei Peng (S$100)
Tang Hang Wu (S$318.88)
Tang Wee Cheow (S$70)
Tay Chern Hui (S$700)
Tay Lay Suan (S$50)
Tay Sue Mei (S$100)
TBWA/SIA (S$250)
Teh Swee Lan (S$100.50)
Teh Swee Nyet (S$100.50)
Teng Heng Tin (S$52)
Teo Kim Meng (S$100)
Teo See Siang (S$30)
Teo Siew Choon (S$20)
Terence Yong (S$500)
Teresa Foo (S$200)
Tess Tay Pua Ngah (S$250)
Thalia Heng & Martin (S$100)
Tham Kwok Meng (S$100)
The Goose! (S$999)
Theresa Neo (S$100.10)
Tim Chong (S$88.88)
Ting Chuan Yew (S$100)
Toh Keng Hoe (S$150)
Tony (S$10)
Tony Po Jian Cheng (S$20)
Tran Thi Phuong Dung & Lawrence Giam (S$200)
Tricia Poon Swee Har (S$50)
Ursula Tan Fook Lai (S$50)
Valerie Ng (S$305)
Vernon Tan (S$200)
Veron (S$50)
Vickneswaran Danabal (S$130)
Vicky Chong (S$100)
Victor Pang (S$100)
Vincent Yew (S$188.88)
Vivian Wong (S$20)
Vivien Goh (S$150)
Vivien Lye (S$15)
Vivienne Hans (S$100.80)
Wang Boon Lian (S$300)
Wang Fengyen (S$100)
Wang Hui Fen (S$50)
Wang Wee Huang (S$50)
Willis & Runxi Gan (S$100.29)
Winnie Chua (S$100)
Winston Ho (S$50)
Wong Beng Yee (S$50)
Wong Foong Yin (S$100)
Wong Kim Hoh (S$100)
Wong Siew Ling (S$128.88)
Wong Xiu Yan (S$65)
Wu Siew See (S$100)
Yam Yu En (S$100)
Yan Yan Cheong Ann (S$250)
Yee Poh Nyen (S$15)
Yen Li (S$100.88)
Yenti Jono (S$600)
Yeo Guan Him (S$200)
Yeo Hui Kheng (S$100.10)
Yeo Lili (S$200)
Yeo Puay Lin (S$200)
Yeo Swan Chin (S$200)
Yeow Yong Kiong (S$100)
Yim Hui Ming (S$115)
Yvonne Lim (S$50)
Yvonne Liong Peit Wan (S$50.50)
Zen Tan HK (S$150)
Zubaidah Bte Mohamed & Idris Ismail (S$60)

Singapore, can lah

2011-01-14T14:31:00.000+08:00

[Published on 09 August, 2003]

According to a newspaper survey, of 510 Singaporeans aged 15 and above,
77% are confident in the country's future, with young people the most upbeat.

Here's why:

SINGAPORE CAN SURVIVE BECAUSE...

...it is quick to curb any act of threat to its people

...it is becoming more self-reliant

...it’s become more liberal and gives people what they want.

We are no longer forced to sit still during concerts:

Pole-dancing is no longer banned:

We can now speak our mind:

1st visit

2010-01-02T22:05:00.015+08:00

Thien Nhan arrived in Singapore on Sunday, 25 April 2010.

On Monday, him, together with his adoptive mother Mai Anh,
adoptive brother Little Minh, Elka (the journalist who
helped Mai Anh adopt Thien Nhan) and Sol (Elka's son)
went to the zoo.

Despite the downpour, they had a wonderful time.
According to Elka, the kids loved seeing the monkeys and orangutans.
Thien Nhan was very impressed that they were bigger than
the ones that he's seen in Vietnam. They also liked the otters,
which were frolicking in the wet weather.

I would like to thank Singapore Zoo and
Ms Isabel Cheng (Director of Sales, Marketing & Comms
at the Wildlife Reserves Singapore) for kindly hosting
their visit.

The next day, I finally met the family for lunch at Swensens.
Now, because of their popular one-for-one lunch promotion,
Swensens do not take lunch reservations.

Then again, children love ice-cream and I couldn't think of
another more kid-friendly restaurant than Swensens...
so I wrote them an email and they kindly made an exception
and allowed me to reserve a table (thanks, Siti and Jeslyn).

Okay, on to the pics!

Here is the entire gang (except me, who's the cameraman,
and Sol, who's missing at the bottom left corner of the photo).
Joining us for lunch were my colleagues Miel and Chern
(both regular donors to my cause) plus Adarsh (another
regular donor) and his mum, Ms Latta.

Ours was like a "Mini United Nation Table" of sorts
'cos even though it was a small group, it comprised of
people from various countries: Vietnam, Canada, Malaysia,
The Philippines and Singapore.

Oh, here's Sol. He and Thien Nhan were playing with
their Iron Man figures, given to them by Adarsh.

They were so busy that the allure of kiddy food was lost on them
and Elka had to feed them both.

Poor Sol was feeling under the weather.

Here's a closeup of Thien Nhan with his Iron Man.

This is Little Minh playing an electronic handheld,
a present from Miel and I for the brothers.
Big Minh had to stay in Vietnam because he was having his exams.

Little Minh is big on dinosaurs. When Chern gave him an English
pictorial book on the subject, he rattled off names of the beasts in Vietnamese.

I was very impressed because, heck, I have problem even pronouncing
dino names in English!

Little Minh with his mum, Mai Anh.

Thien Nhan shared a gaming moment with Little Minh.

From left: Chern, Adarsh and his mom, Ms Latta.

Thien Nhan's turn with the gaming device.
Oh, by the way, that cut above his lips came about from his curiosity
when he was playing a spinning top back home.
Apparently he was so fascinated by how it stayed upright
that he went too close and the gyrating toy grazed his lips.
Yeow!

Thien Nhan and Chern.

Miel with Mai Anh.

Miel and Thien Nhan, who was so engrossed with his new gadget
that he didn't respond when I asked him to smile for the photo.

Hey, Thien Nhan! Uncle Miel is ready for the pic.

Hellooo Thien Nhan!

Finally!

My colleague Miel is very photogenic and can strike hilarious poses on the fly.
Here's a shot of him in what we like to call the classic "Ah Pek at a Kopitiam"
("Old Uncle at a Coffeeshop") pose:

The lunch was rather short as Thien Nhan had to rush off to
the National University Hospital for a medical consult
(which was the main reason of his visit to Singapore).

Here they are, at the NUH waiting area:

And still waiting...

Thien Nhan was seen by Dr. Prabha.

After returning to Vietnam on April 28,
Elka sent me an email regarding the consult:

"Dr. Prabha felt that TN should have prosthetic testes inserted ASAP,
and that the penis should be extracted from beneath the skin so that
he can look like a normal boy. In his view, inserting small prosthetics
into a reconstructed scrotum now will help to stretch the skin,
so that when TN is older it will be easier to insert larger ones.

Dr Prabha felt that doing the genital surgery now would not impair
longterm fuction, and that psychologically it was very important.
His interpretation of ultrasounds was that TN had up to 2/3 of his penis,
and that it should work well in the future. He was very optimistic
about this. Of course we hope that this is true!

He suggested doing the surgery in July. TN would need to be there
2 days before and stay for 1 week after, then return after 3 months
for a checkup. Dr Prabha offered to waive his surgical fees and
try to get the hospital to minimize its other fees; if Mai Anh
decides on this course of action, he will give us a cost estimate
before we proceed.

We will now have to do some more research into these procedures
(and Prof Prabha), and then Mai Anh will have to decide which
course of action to take. A big and very difficult decision for her!
(The hospital in the US advocated waiting until age 9 to
perform any surgery.)"

I spoke to Mai Anh during lunch and learnt that she tries,
as much as possible, not to use the donations for Thien Nhan's
medical consults because she is concerned about the actual
costs of the surgeries when he needs them.

But I assured her that when that time comes, I will do my best
to raise the necessary money with my readers to help out.

After all, this is what this blog is for.

Didn't make it to print

2010-01-02T21:59:00.002+08:00

When the year 2009 came to an end, my colleagues and I were assigned
to do a cartoon spread on the 10 most quirky stories throughout the decade.
I picked the years 2004 and 2007. Unfortunately, the project was scrapped
at the last minute. But, as a token of appreciation to you for taking
time to visit my site, I shall now present my unpublished toons:

2004
A banana half-eaten by a British TV presenter Kate Garraway sold for
£1,650 (S$5,200) on eBay. Mr Jamie Falarczyk, who works for an online
brokerage company and won the bid among some 30,000 people,
said he would display the fruit in the office to "boost staff morale".
Sounds like a rotten deal, but at least the money went to charity.

2007
A cat's knack for predicting death made it into the New England Journal
of Medicine. Oscar, a two-year-old male feline, would sniff and observe
patients at a nursing home in Rhode Island, USA, then sit beside people
who would end up dying in a few hours. It predicted 25 deaths.
For its efforts, Oscar received a wall plaque publicly commending its
"compassionate hospice care".

Okay okay, the cat's not evil at all. I made that up for comic effect.
Here is a pic of the real thing (everyone together now: "Awww..."):

Pigs get right to shower

2010-01-02T21:57:00.000+08:00

[Published on 04 September, 2008]

Want to get rid of your goldfish? Swiss owners who have
been flushing them down the toilet -- still alive --
must now use a kinder method.
Under new animal protection laws, a fish must be first
knocked out and then killed before its body can be disposed of.
Pets, farm animals, animals destined for scientific experiments,
zoo or circus animals are all covered under the new law.
But just like in George Orwell’s satire Animal Farm, however,
some animals are more equal than others.
Not only are goldfish now afforded a more "dignified" death
than being dispatched round the U-bend, but Swiss anglers
are also banned from catching only to throw the fish back in
the water, or to use live fish as bait.
Common household pets such as budgies and hamsters can no
longer be kept by themselves. The same applies to more exotic
breeds such as lamas, alpacas and yaks that are kept in zoos.
Man’s "best friend" comes in for special treatment. Dog owners
will be obliged by law to take special classes on how to raise
Fido properly so he is less likely to bite.
Dog owners wishing to "customise" their pets as fashion
accessories will not be allowed to crop their tails or ears --
or "force them to have surgery to get droopy ears".
And pigs, often said to be happiest when rolling around in the
mud, now have the legal right to a shower to freshen up.

Underground water found

2010-01-02T21:48:00.000+08:00

[Published on 30 April, 2002]

Sitting below 25 sq km of reclaimed land in Changi is an underground
reservoir with potentially enough water to fill 35,000 swimming pools.
A team from the Nanyang Technological University's (NTU) School of
Civil and Environmental Engineering, which has been prospecting for
water in the area for the past few years, reports that the reclaimed
land, which acts like a natural reservoir, collecting and filtering
rainfall, holds a substantial amount of freshwater.
And the underground reservoir could potentially store more than
70 million cu m of water, making it a viable alternative source
of water here.

New text-to-voice SMS

2010-01-02T21:31:00.000+08:00

[Published on 04 March, 2002]

What happens if you send a Short Message Service (SMS) message
to a home or office telephone number?
Nothing, right? Because SMS messages only work with mobile phones, right?
Like everyone else, that is what one Straits Times reader thought until
the telephone rang at home the other day and he was surprised to hear
a computerised voice read out a message to him.
The friend who had sent him the SMS message had accidentally sent it
to his fixed-line home phone.
He tipped off The Straits Times. Checks showed that he had stumbled
onto a new text-to-voice SMS service being tested by SingTel,
the biggest mobile-phone operator here.

Walking down the aisle

2010-01-02T20:50:00.000+08:00

[Published on 11 Aug, 2002]

This is how the original artwork looks like:

To make it easier for you to read, I have broken the illustration
into the following bits:

ENTRANCE - Assault on the senses
A riot of colours and smells greets you as you step into the store. Plump
fruits and leafy green vegetables beckon with their vibrant freshness.
Sometimes, flowers are also placed here. Bakeries, with their heavenly smells,
are also positioned at the entrance to draw you in.
This enticing vision of freshness is not a coincidence. It is there to
counteract the impression that food in supermarkets are not as fresh as in the
wet markets. So instead of showing boring grey rows of canned food, they
bombard you with fresh fruits and vegetables.
For instance, Cold Storage, which positions itself as The Fresh Food People,
always has fruits and vegetables greeting you as you enter.

AISLES - Logic to the madness
You may feel like a lab rat in a maze when you are scurrying around trying to
locate all the items on your shopping list. But it is not the intention of
supermarkets to confuse and trap you. Instead, there is logic in the layout.
This is especially important as there are not many sales assistants around to
help.
Complementary goods, such as coffee, cereal and other breakfast items, are
placed together so you can pick them up at a go.
Frozen and chilled items are usually near the end of the shopping route, to
help you get these items home at an acceptable temperature so they do not
spoil in the heat.

SHELVES - Out of reach, out of sight
Eye level is the most coveted space on the shelves, as these are the first to
be seen, and therefore, more likely to be selected.
However, certain big brands are so well-remembered or are already market
leaders that they can be placed anywhere. For instance, consumers will search
high and low, literally, for brands like Coke.
Going down one level, there is eye level product placement for kids too.
After all, these tiny tykes do get their own kiddie trolleys to push around,
too.

MUSIC - All day, all around
Easy listening fare is usually played throughout the day, to appeal to the
widest range of consumers possible.
Festive music, such as Christmas carols or Chinese New Year ditties, can also
work subtly to remind you of the coming celebrations and all the goodies you
need to stock up on.
Certain supermarkets may also play different tunes to signal to their staff
that a shoplifter has been spotted or that it is time to change shift. Closing
music may also be more up-tempo, to prompt you to make your last purchases
quickly.

SAMPLING - Free food, free drinks
Yummy cheese slices, deep-fried sotong balls and tiny cups of cultured milk
drinks are there to entice you.
All five senses are engaged powerfully, and by sampling the products before
buying, you can be sure of what you are buying. Also, promoters are on hand to
answer questions, so fear is minimised.
The same strategy applies to in-store demonstrations of appliances, mops,
sponges and miracle kitchen cloths.

CHECKOUT - Batteries & breath mints
Standing in queue can be such a drag. Your basket is overloaded and heavy,
and the brat behind you is bawling. Good thing then, that you can sometimes
grab a magazine at the checkout counter. And you will probably end up buying
it after browsing.
These are items which do not need much evaluation and comparison, and by
placing them where you are bound to see them, the stores hope to trigger you
into making a quick decision to buy.

Horror lifts

2010-01-02T20:22:00.000+08:00

[Published on 27 October, 2008]

A ride in a lift may take only a minute or two, but it is time
enough for an array of "lift crimes" to happen.
Urinating, defecating, vomiting, littering and vandalism are
just some acts which irk residents in Housing Board estates.
Residents from Jurong, Bedok, Potong Pasir, Yishun, Sembawang,
Queenstown and Ang Mo Kio said they encounter the results of
uncivic behaviour at least thrice a week or even daily in the lifts.
Some town councils have declared war on this anti-social behaviour
by installing closed-circuit television (CCTV) systems in lifts,
in hopes that the CCTVs will deter those who scrawl graffiti,
damage public property, litter and urinate there.

Blindfold Date

2010-01-02T19:48:00.000+08:00

[Published on 14 October, 2001]

A blind date will be literally that for some singles.
Social Development Unit (SDU) members have a new way of
breaking the ice - in the dark.
They will start their dinner date blindfolded in a darkened
restaurant, with romantic music playing in the background.
The blindfold comes off as the three-course dinner progresses,
and the lights are turned up at the end.
More than 30 people were intrigued enough to sign up.

Online dating version 2.0

2009-10-10T21:50:00.002+08:00

[Published on 29 September, 2008]

Boot up your computer, turn on your camera and make sure you
comb your hair. Because in the next three minutes online,
you could be meeting the love of your life.
Internet dating may be as old as the World Wide Web itself,
but it is fast losing the stigma once attached to it, and
becoming a way for tech-savvy singles to find each other.
Now you can speed date, play realtime games, and chat with
prospective partners in your home, or even office, whom
you never have to meet in real life if you don’t want to.
One local site offers online games such as checkers, pool,
even tennis, where Singaporean singles can play together.
They can also speed date, form social clubs and chat in virtual
rooms that look like bars, swimming pools or even Times Square
in New York.
Another site locates available singles working in the vicinity
of busy executives.
Online dating reaches out to a younger segment of the population
who are not likely to use offline or face-to-face matchmaking
services.

Doctors learn from the horse's mouth

2009-10-10T21:40:00.001+08:00

[Published on 05 July, 2003]

A group of United States medical students have traded
stethoscopes for horse halters and sterile hospital hallways
for dusty equine exercise pens in a bid to improve their
bedside manner with human patients.
A western US ranch is the setting for an innovative
University of Arizona Medical School course with the weighty
title, Medicine and Horsemanship: An Introduction to
Human Nonverbal Interaction at the Bedside.
"This course is not about horses; it's about body language,"
said the head of the college's surgery department.
"Horses are very, very good at detecting those unspoken messages,
and it's a wonderful way to teach medical students to become
aware of their own body language."
At the Rancho Bosque horse ranch, the students get up close
to the horses, but do not ride them or use saddles or bridles
to control the nervous animals.
Instead, they learn and practise non-verbal clues -- such as
posture, eye contact, movement or breathing -- to soothe, guide
and encourage the 450kg patients into completing simple tasks
such as trotting in a circle.
Students learn that simple gestures -- such as gently patting
a patient's shoulder -- sends the message that they have a
genuine interest in hearing about his or her concerns.

Bottoms Up!

2009-10-10T21:30:00.001+08:00

[Published on 15 September, 2002]

NEWater is treated wastewater that has been purified using
microfiltration, reverse osmosis and ultraviolet technologies,
in addition to conventional water treatment processes.
The water is potable and can be consumed by humans.

Here are some ideas that can be used to coax more Singaporeans
to down a glass or two of reclaimed water...

RIDE ON THE FAD
Bottle a new version. But what type?
Something which gives Singaporeans a quick fix for fat.

HOT DEAL
They are willing but unable.
Bring down the psychological barrier by serving Newater
in restaurants -- for free.

HAVE SOME TASTE
Give flavour to Newater.
Add a taste of lime, pineapple or mango.
And how about harmless, artificial 'Nicotine' flavour for
those who wish to kick the habit?

POT vs KETTLE
People taking potshots while you're quenching your thirst
with Newater? Here are a couple of comebacks:

If your antagonist is drinking bird's nest soup...

If he is ingesting Kway Chap (Pig's Organ Soup)...

YOU BET!
Make the bottle opaque.
The hotline number, which changes each week, is printed
inside -- visible only when the content has been drunk.

Shorter NS, thanks to technology

2009-10-10T21:30:00.000+08:00

[Published on 16 June, 2004]

In the old days, a recruit had to wake up long before the crack of
dawn to make his way to a live firing range to learn how to shoot.
He could spend the entire, day there, mostly waiting for his turn
to shoot, and end up firing only 10 rounds.
Now, thanks to the Singapore Armed Forces' (SAF) Individual
Marksmanship Trainer, the recruit no longer has to wait almost a day
for his turn to shoot.
Instead, with the simulator, he can correct his shooting fundamentals
before he even steps into a live range.
In fact, the marksmanship trainer is so advanced, it can tell the
shooter things like how hard he squeezes the trigger, or how his
breathing pattern changes before, during and after the shot.
And it is technological advances like these that have convinced
the Ministry of Defence that national service could be shortened
by six months, without affecting the overall capabilities of the
Singapore Armed Forces.
With simulators and computerised combat trainers widely used,
soldiers are not only more effectively trained, it also takes
less time to train them.

Phones that announce the name of the caller

2009-10-10T20:00:00.000+08:00

[Published on 28 February, 2003]

A new telephone device not only identifies the number of the
person calling you, but also shouts out the name of the caller.
The gadget, patented by United States phone company AT&T, uses the
caller's number to consult a central database of subscribers' names.
Once the name is found, it then activates a voice synthesiser on
the phone to announce -- like a butler at an embassy reception --
the name of the caller.
The invention also works the other way, by announcing to you the
name of the subscriber whose number you have dialled.
Many phones already provide caller ID in the form of a phone number.
But the new-fangled service will let a user screen out undesirable
calls, such as from salesmen, heavy-breathing stalkers and creditors.
And it could save money on misdialled numbers too, because you could
ring off before the call is answered.

Carpark surgery plan to cut hospital queues

2009-10-10T19:38:00.000+08:00

[Published on 11 March, 2002]
British hospitals are preparing to use military-style mobile operating
theatres, which can be set up in their carparks, to reduce waiting lists.
The M*A*S*H (mobile army surgical hospital) style mobile theatres were
designed to treat battlefield casualties but have been adapted to deal
with up to 12 patients a day.
It can be set up in hours and connected to hospital supplies of oxygen,
water and electricity.
Hospital officials expect up to 500 cardiac patients could be treated a year.
The mobile theatres were named after the American Korean War film and
television series. They include an anaesthetic room, patient recovery room
and washroom for medical staff, alongside the basic operating theatre.
The units would help surgeons cope with emergency cases while existing
theatres were used for routine operations.

Government to release land for pet shelters

2009-10-10T17:21:00.000+08:00

[Published on 14 June, 2003]
Stray cats saved from culling may get a new home at the Loyang Agrotech Park
near Pasir Ris, and sterilised strays picked up by town councils may be handed
over to animal welfare groups.
The Agri-Food and Veterinary Authority will release five parcels of land for
animal lovers to set up pet shelters.
Any group interested in setting up such animal boarding facilities, which has
proven experience in taking care of and providing boarding for pet animals,
may bid for the land.
It was estimated that industrial users would pay between $8,000 and $10,000
a month in rent in the Loyang area for a 0.4ha plot of land. But that could
be halved if the bidders are animal welfare groups, which have smaller budgets.
The Cat Welfare Society, however, is convinced that shelters are not a
sustainable solution. It would rather the Housing Board did away with existing
rules barring cats from HDB flats, and believes sterilisation is the way to go
in the long term.
The society's president said: "There are many reasons why a shelter is not a
long-term or practicable solution. There is a limit to the number of animals
which can be sheltered and running costs will be crippling."

Do you feel ill on Mondays?

2009-07-18T21:55:00.001+08:00

[Published on 25 February, 2002]

British scientists believe they have come up with the answer to what we
have always suspected: That going to work makes you ill. They believe
that even the mere sight of the office is enough to trigger depression,
headaches and a cold.
The classic Monday-morning feeling that makes people want to stay in bed
rather than get up for work may not be just imagination but a real ailment
triggered by the workplace.
'Triggers' could include sounds and smells, particularly in factories from
heavy machinery or flashing lights, or merely the sight of an office building.
The research, funded by the Health and Safety Executive, will also compare
levels of illness in industrial places of work with those in offices.
Companies taking part will have to keep a detailed diary over the course
of the year, recording frequency and severity of illnesses, as well as
information about jobs and type of work.
Of those taking part, a smaller group of 25 people will be asked to provide
saliva swabs, which will be tested for the chemical cortisol, a natural
steroid hormone produced in the body.
This will give researchers the means to study any chemical change in
volunteers' immune systems which may be caused by the working environment.

British motorists confused by even the most simple road signs

2009-07-18T21:20:00.001+08:00

[Published on 22 April, 2001]

Sixty per cent of British drivers stopped for a survey believe that the
"Beware of Cattle" road signs indicate areas infected with foot-and-mouth
disease.
The survey by the RAC Foundation found that half of all British motorists are
baffled by road signs.
Misinterpretations included a sign for toads crossing that was identified as
indicating a French restaurant.
Only 10 per cent recognised signs that a dual carriageway had ended, and 20
per cent thought that those ordering them to give way to oncoming vehicles
meant "one-way street ahead".
Five per cent said that signs warning of side winds meant "kite flying area",
while 50 per cent did not recognise the sign indicating an end to a speed limit.

AND NOW, THE SINGAPORE VERSION...

What the sign means: ACCIDENT AREA

What some wrongly think...

What the sign means: ROAD NARROWING

What some wrongly think...

What the sign means: SLIPPERY ROAD

What some wrongly think...

What the sign means: ROAD LEADING TO QUAY/SEA

What some wrongly think...

What the sign means: ERP ZONE AHEAD

What all correctly think...

New stink-bomb for crowd control

2009-07-18T20:50:00.000+08:00

[Published on 7 July, 2001]
The Pentagon is developing a stink-bomb that would drive away
hostile crowds by unleashing an odour that creates panic in the ranks.
The new device will be part of a growing arsenal to tackle the increasing
number of violent protests against globalisation.
Researchers working on the project said there was a close link between a
particular kind of smell and fear, and that a particular odour could activate
tissue deep within the brain.
The aim would be to use such a smell to send demonstrators fleeing in panic.
"It would give us an offensive capability against large and unruly groups of
people, if they are unwilling to move or are openly hostile," a Pentagon
spokesman told the New Scientist magazine, which published details of the
invention this week. "And it would minimise the risk to our people and to the
antagonists."
Resolving situations like out-of-control crowds can be a dangerous process
for the police, suspects and bystanders alike.
To reduce the risk, scientists have tried to devise weapons that can be used
without deadly force.

US govt cyber experts advise browser switch

2009-07-18T20:29:00.000+08:00

[Published on 2 July, 2004]
The United States government's cyberdefence experts, along with other computer
gurus, are urging users to consider a switch away from Microsoft's widely used
Internet Explorer (IE) because of new security problems.
The unusual - and for Microsoft, highly embarrassing - warning comes because
of a security hole that has allowed hackers to surreptitiously install software
on hundreds of websites that use Microsoft's Web server programs.
That, in turn, downloads spyware programs to personal computers, including
one that steals credit card numbers and other forms of financial information.
Most anti-virus software have been updated to block the specific program,
the JS.Scob Trojan, but Microsoft has not, so far, been able to inoculate IE
against the broad technique.
None of the most prominent alternative browsers, Opera, Mozilla or Netscape,
is vulnerable to the flaw. Nor are computers running Linux or the Macintosh
operating systems.
Another new threat emerged this week that might compromise the passwords and
account information of users who bank online.
It targets users of IE and can be picked up from pop-up ads that secretly
download software capable of capturing users' keystrokes.

Sentosa Sensations

2009-07-18T19:56:00.002+08:00

Highlights of the $3 billion plan to make Sentosa a more attractive getaway:

SENTOSA EXPRESS
A new air-conditioned rail system that takes visitors directly from the
HarbourFront MRT station at World Trade Centre onto the island.

ENTERTAINMENT ZONE

The island’s most vibrant area, with features like a waterfront village and
specialty retail shops.

SPA BOTANNICA (Beaufort Hotel)
Singapore’s first garden spa on a site the size of a football field.
It will have 14 indoor treatment rooms and six outdoor pavilions.

DANCE OF FIRE AND WATER SHOW
A pyrotechnic extravaganza, which will replace the musical fountain show.
Special effects include 12m-high fire jets and 10m-high water fountains.

MARITIME EXPERIENCE PREVIEW
Asia’s first interactive theatre show at the Images of Singapore forecourt,
it will take visitors on an "all sensory" journey through Singapore’s rich
maritime history.

GREEN BELT
Highlights include nature trails, an equestrian centre and spa resort.
And treetop accommodation.

No minimum pay needed for new credit card

2009-07-18T19:13:00.000+08:00

[Published on 19 July, 2007]
A radically new type of credit card with no minimum income requirement and just
$500 in credit has arrived in Singapore.
Global banking giant Citibank yesterday launched Singapore’s first-ever credit
card that does away with the standard $30,000 minimum annual income
requirement.
The American bank is taking advantage of a recent regulatory change and will
start taking applications for its new Citi Clear Card from today. The card,
mainly aimed at students and other young adults, will have higher 28 per cent
interest on rollover balances.
University students will be the prime targets as they are more likely to embark
on well-paying careers on graduation, becoming potentially lucrative clients.
Indeed, tertiary students were highlighted as a target group by the three local
banks which are looking to launch similar credit cards soon.

Modern, but where is Singapore identity?

2009-07-18T18:52:00.000+08:00

[Published on 1 May, 2002]

LETTER FROM A READER:
No doubt, both the Esplanade - Theatres On The Bay and the Supreme Court
building were designed by foreign architects chosen for their 'international
standing and design skills for innovative, world-class, award-winning
architecture'.
However, it is precisely architectural pieces such as these that have
rendered almost every major city in the world identical.
In fact, there are numerous so-called modern designs, such as the Shanghai
Arts and Performance Centre, that are similar in design to the new Supreme
Court.
Under the guise of modernisation and international design, these Western
styles of architecture have flooded Asian cities. Moreover, their presence is
reinforced by the authorities' idea that Westernisation equals modernisation.
Considering the fact that the Government is trying to retain places that are
meaningful and memorable to Singaporeans, the act of demolishing historic
buildings and replacing them with international icons negates, in effect, any
effort to create a unique Singaporean identity.

Cartoon Caption Contest, 17 May 2009

2009-05-30T11:59:00.000+08:00

The shortlisted ones:
"See all the green bits stuck up there... this one's a vegetarian.
Let's have low-fat tonight."
- Joanna Oh

"I don't understand -- some sleep with all their teeth,
some take them out, this one takes out only the top ones."
- Fong Sow Han

My personal favourite:
"This is a better hive for our winter hideout.
It's large, warm & moist.
Quick, inform our queen."
- Lim Siew Hwee

And the winning entry:
"This is what we call breakfast in bed."
- Tay Joon Kang

Charitable author + illustrator

2009-05-30T11:58:00.012+08:00

One fine day, I got a call from David Goldwich, a trainer in
communications and management. David is from Miami (Florida)
and is now based in Singapore. He had published a book called
"Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?: Lessons in Effective Communication"
and is releasing a second one, which is a collection of humourous essays
about his ten years in Singapore. And he would like someone to help
in doing up the book cover.

After reading the manuscripts he sent me, I recommended my friend
and colleague Miel, whose style suits the tone of David's writing
very well. Here is how the cover looks like:

And here is an extract from the book, a piece entitled 'Singapore Girls'.
I crack up every time I read it! --

Even before I arrived in Singapore I had heard about the legendary
Singapore Girl. I knew that she had perfectly coiffed hair and used
just the right amount of makeup. I knew of her warm and inviting smile.
The Singapore Airlines stewardesses (no need to call them
'flight attendants' here) are the best in the world. The Singapore Girl
is an icon in aviation circles. They are the most polished, courteous,
and solicitous women ever to push a beverage cart. I have been told that
there are 500 applicants for every position. Their uniform, called the]
sarong kebaya, is derived from a traditional Malay costume, and is only
part of their heavily regimented appearance. No detail is overlooked.
The result is nirvana for the weary traveler. These ladies are beautiful,
refined, and sexy (in a wholesome, sophisticated way, of course).

By the time I arrived at Changi Airport I was exhausted from my
thirty-hour journey. The Singapore Girl was of no help to me --
I didn’t fly Singapore Airlines. The airline that brought me across the
Pacific is regulated by enlightened laws requiring it to be politically
correct. This means that if a cow can walk on two legs it must be hired,
or the airline could face a huge lawsuit. Fortunately, the crew working
the Tokyo to Singapore leg of the trip was composed of local talent --
no doubt Singapore Airlines rejects, who are still well above average.
Thus I arrived in good spirits.

As I walked through the terminal I got my first glimpse of the
Singapore Girl, coming out of another gate in her sarong kebaya,
rolling her luggage behind her. She was lovely, and right then I vowed
that I would have a Singapore Girl of my own.

I had already arranged to take a flat, but as it was after midnight
it was too late to collect the key. I would have to spend my first night
in Singapore in a hotel. I knew that some of the hotels here were
very expensive, and as I would only need it for a few hours, I asked
the cab driver to take me to the cheapest hotel. He took me to a place
called Geylang. As soon as I got out of the cab I was approached by
a very pretty girl in a very sexy dress. She asked me if I would like
a date with her. I was very tired after my long flight, so I told her
perhaps another time. When I got to the door of the hotel I was approached
by another very pretty girl in a very sexy dress. She also asked me
for a date. I gave her the same excuse, but I was quite flattered.
I had only been in Singapore for 40 minutes and I was already a hit
with the ladies. As I lay in bed that night I thought to myself:
I’m going to like it here! I’m going to be very popular!

I awoke early the next morning, eager to get my flat and begin my
new life here. I spent most of the day shopping for furniture and
household items. I was going to be doing plenty of entertaining at home,
and I wanted a swinging bachelor pad worthy of Austin Powers.
After everything was squared away to my liking I went downstairs to
check out the local action. There were a couple of pretty young women
sitting on a bench, chatting. A couple of hot prospects! I knew how
to play the game in this town: Just show up and let them approach me.
I walked past them slowly and -- they didn’t say a word. Perhaps they
were not prepared for me, I thought. I walked past a second time,
slowly and deliberately. Again, they said nothing. I decided to make
one more pass and confront them directly. I walked right up to them
and said hello. They answered politely and then -- nothing.
"Well," I said, "aren’t you going to ask me for a date?"
They looked at each other and said "Siao!" I didn’t like the sound of that,
so I walked away, my ego slightly bruised.

Perhaps a Singapore girl was not in my future. Perhaps I should
stick with what I know best. But where would I find a western girl
in Singapore? I didn’t know my way around yet. Back home, if I wanted
to meet a Chinese girl I could go to Chinatown. If I wanted to meet
an Italian girl I could go to Little Italy. Where could I meet a
western girl in Singapore? I looked at the map and found what seemed
to be the perfect place: Ang Mo Kio. I got on the MRT and alighted at
the Ang Mo Kio station. As soon as I scanned the platform I realized
my mistake -- I was the only ang moh in Ang Mo Kio. I started to panic.
The Asian girls ignored me, I didn’t know where to find western girls --
it looked like I would be all alone in my new bachelor pad.

The next morning there was a glimmer of hope. It was Sunday,
and I was awakened early in the morning by the sound of an old-fashioned
bicycle horn. Honka honka! Honka honka! Who could be riding a bicycle
at such an early hour, I wondered? I asked Auntie Soh, the elderly
Chinese lady next door. She told me in broken English that it happened
every Sunday, it was someone named Karen -- Karen Gooney.
Ah, a western girl, I thought. She must be very beautiful if this auntie
even knows her by name. I imagined a tall, shapely girl riding her bicycle,
her long blond hair billowing behind her. I decided I would meet
this early morning cyclist.

The following Sunday I was up before the sun. I got dressed nicely
and went down to the void deck to wait. Soon I heard the sound
I was waiting for. Honka honka! Honka honka! I looked around but
did not see a bicycle, or even a trishaw. The only thing I could see
that had wheels was a dilapidated pushcart filled with old newspapers.
There was no sign of Karen Gooney.

For weeks I woke up early every Sunday and went downstairs to wait,
but I never did meet this mysterious blond beauty, this Karen Gooney.

The book "Getting Into Singapore -- A Guide for Expats and Kayoh Singaporeans"
is available in the stores. To find out more, you can contact David via his blog.

Oh, after Miel had done the cover, he suggested that he should be
paid in the form of a donation to Thien Nhan, and David promptly
contributed S$500 towards helping the toddler.

Thanks, both!

Charitable author

2009-05-30T11:57:00.000+08:00

A few days later, I received an email from Colin Ong, a speaker and
trainer and Founder/Managing Director of MR=MC CONSULTING PTE LTD.
He is writing a workbook about mentoring targetted to Singapore schools
and requires an illustration for the book cover.

Inspired by Miel and David (see post before this one), I took up
the project and in return, asked for a fee that will become a donation
for Thien Nhan.

The cover looks like this (do note that this is a tentative visual
as the book title may change. I will update the image once everything
is finalised):

The very next day, I received an envelope that contained a cheque of
S$500 as payment for my illustration (which will go to Thien Nhan)...
PLUS a bonus cheque of S$200 as Colin's personal donation to the kid.

Thank you, Colin!

A new aphrodisiac

2009-05-30T11:56:00.000+08:00

[Published on 26 October, 2000]
Forget about oysters and a candle-lit dinner for two. The next time you want
to get into a romantic mood, just tuck into a curry.
A British survey has found that curry can cause sexual arousal - the spicier
the curry, the greater the stimulation.
Researchers at Nottingham Trent University monitored more than 100 volunteers
up to the age of 80 and found that the taste of curry sent blood pressure and
heart rates shooting up, creating a natural "high".
It sets off biological responses and creates a feeling of stimulation.
Even the thought of eating curry was enough to trigger a response.
When the volunteers were told to expect an Indian meal, their blood pressure
went up 1.8 per cent cent and heart rate, 3.2 per cent.
When told to expect a traditional steak-and-kidney pie, their blood pressure
and heart rate was unchanged.
When the volunteers tucked into the hottest curry, their blood pressure rose
by 3.8 per cent and their heart rate leapt a massive 18.3 per cent.
When the volunteers ate roast beef and vegetables, their blood pressure rose
a mere 1 per cent and their heart rate, by just 2 per cent - and nobody
reported an increase in stimulation levels.
Researchers also found that curry is addictive.
The study was done after earlier surveys showed that British people now buy
more Indian take-away meals than fish and chips or Chinese meals.

What make us Singaporeans unique

2009-05-30T11:55:00.000+08:00

WE HAVE TO BE NUMBER 1
It’s almost a prerequisite for us to be tops in everything.

WE ARE BIG-HEARTED
We don’t think twice when donating fat cheques to earthquake victims abroad.
But it’s a different story with Flag Days at home.

WE FEEL FOR OTHER SINGAPOREANS
We may not know each other; but when disaster strikes our fellow people,
we share their anguish.

WE HAVE GREAT FORESIGHT
The Government always says, "Plan early for retirement."
We always plan ahead...

WE LOVE FOOD
Brought about by the vast variety of food in our multi-cultural melting pot.

WE ARE LAW-ABIDING
Well, most of us are, anyway.
Those wayward few face punishments which are also unique to us...

End may be near for banana

2009-05-30T11:54:00.000+08:00

[Published on 17 Jan, 2003]
It is one of the world's favourite fruits, but the banana hasn't had
sex in years and its days may be numbered.
Without scientific help, the sterile, seedless fruit could disappear within
10 years, according to a Belgian plant pathologist.
The fruit lacks the genetic diversity needed to combat diseases and pests.
Only biotechnology and genetic manipulation may be able to save it, New
Scientist said.
The fruit is a genetically decrepit sterile mutant. Among the world's oldest
crops, the first edible variety was bred 10,000 years ago from a rare mutant
of the virtually inedible wild banana.
Because all are effectively clones of that first plant, they cannot evolve to
fight new diseases.
Black sigatoka, a fungal disease that cuts yields by up to three quarters and
reduces the productive lives of banana plants from 30 to only two or three
years, has become a global epidemic.
Without help, production could drop and mark the beginning of the end of the
fruit. "We may even see the extinction of the banana," New Scientist added.

Announcement

2009-04-05T11:55:00.000+08:00

This is for Foo Charn Lim and Yew-Kwan Mee Sin:
can you please contact me when you see this?
Thank you.

Cartoon Caption Contest, 29 March 2009

2009-04-05T11:50:00.003+08:00

The shortlisted ones:
"I don't think this fella can help you.
Have you tried Michael Jackson's doctor?"
- Rafeeda Bte Abdual Jaleel

"This cosmetic surgeon's great!
Years ago, I too looked like that oven!!"
- Aarti Gogna

And the winning entry:
"I have one of those in me
but it’s not digesting my food so well these days."
- Tang Junshi

Cartoon Caption Contest, 22 March 2009

2009-04-05T11:45:00.000+08:00

The shortlisted ones:
"I heard India came up with a cheaper way to put
a man in space... but this is too much!"
- Aida Mekonnen

"No wonder experts say India is going to be
the next powerhouse!"
- Derick Tan Aik Teck

And the winning entry:
"The things you can get at Mustafa's these days...
simply out of this world!"
- Kelvin Song

Cartoon Caption Contest, 15 March 2009

2009-04-05T11:40:00.000+08:00

The shortlisted ones:
"Now use your teeth to remove the bulb."
- Sazali B Husin

"I want a divorce! There's nothing else you can do
that will TURN ME ON anymore."
- Yeo Lye Huat

And the winning entry:
"Hurry up with that! We've got a call
from the Singapore Flyer. It's stuck again."
- Prithviraj Gogna

Time running out to adjust phone systems

2009-04-05T10:55:00.000+08:00

[Published on 18 Feb, 2002]
On March 1, when users need to dial an extra digit '6' in front of all
fixed-line telephone and facsimile numbers here, many smaller companies
may find their communication lines cut off.
The reason - many of them have yet to reprogramme their internal switchboards
or Private Automatic Branch Exchanges (PABXs) and their systems may reject
eight-digit numbers or chop them off after seven digits.
This means that if someone dials 6123-4567 to reach them, their system may
read the number as 6123-456, cutting out the last digit and the call as well.
The change will not affect normal household phones but users have to remember
to add a '6' when they dial the numbers of other fixed line telephones.
Most large companies and multinational corporations have already reconfigured
their PABXs but the Infocomm Development Authority (IDA) believes that many
small and medium enterprises (SMEs) here have not done so.

Pacifier = lower intelligence?

2009-04-05T10:48:00.000+08:00

[Published on 18 March, 1997]
British researchers have found that babies who suck pacifiers grow up
to have lower intelligence than babies who do not.
The university team tested the IQ of 1,000 men and women born
in Hertfordshire, England.
Participants' intelligence was measured on a scale of 50. Those who
sucked pacifiers, on average, scored 3.5 points lower than those who
abstained as infants.
The researchers made the link between their use and intelligence while
examining whether breast feeding affected intelligence.
They hypothesised that one possible reason for the association between
pacifiers and intelligence was that infants might be so pacified they are
less receptive to outside stimuli. They also suggested that pacifiers
might be used by less intelligent parents, who more than likely would
have less intelligent children.

The good, the bad and the smelly

2009-04-05T10:00:00.001+08:00

[Published on Apr 18, 1998]
In 1998, a newspaper did a ranking of all 160 cinema screens in Singapore. Over a period of three months, each cinema was tested in seven areas: screen size, seat comfort, leg-room, gradient of theatre, cleanliness, temperature and toilet hygiene. Even popcorn and service levels were not spared. Here are the findings:

BEST OVERALL SCREEN
It is tie! Orchard 3 and Picturehouse both clocked 20 points, each of them
falling short of perfection by only one point.
Orchard 3 garnered perfect scores in all categories except for toilets.
Although its lavatories are clean, there are only two of them. So that means
a long line forms outside them and when the doors are not really thick,
movie-goers, especially the males, have to take great care not to make too
loud a splashing sound when they do their business.

Toilets also proved to be Picturehouse's Archilles Heel. A little damp and
not entirely fragrant, the cinema's loos took home only two points.

WORST OVERALL SCREEN
CHINATOWN 2 has the dubious honour of being the cinema with the lowest
score -- eight out of 21. Except for a good gradient (three points), everything
else about this 183-seater are atrocious.
The screen is tiny, the seats creak, the leg-room is miserly, the floors are
sticky and the air-conditioning is non-existent.

SEATS

Roomiest: All six screens at Century cineplex have seats that measure a
whooping 46cm by 50cm.

Plushest: The six screens at Orchard Cineplex feature soft and comfortable
seats upholstered in a smooth material that resembles terry-cloth.

Tightest squeeze: Mandarin 1's seats are obviously designed to keep
movie-goers glued to them. They measure 43cm by 37cm.

Hardest: Republic 1's seats are merciless when it comes to discomfort.
Sagging and creaky, they have cushions that are so old they look like pancakes.
Plug these killer-seats into a power outlet and you get an electric chair.

LEG-ROOM

Widest: Marina 2. With 50cm of space between the edge of your seat and the
back of the seat in front, you have room for a giant tub of popcorn.

Narrowest: Chinatown 2. Already ranked as the worst screen in Singapore, it
also features seats which are leg-crushers with a ghastly leg-room of 16cm.

POP-CORN

Dearest: You pay $3.60 for popcorn at Empress cineplex but it does not
taste that great.

Cheapest: Queensway's popcorn cost only $1.00 but it is quite inedible.
Best Tasting: Bugis Junction takes the top honour hands down. The popcorn
($2.50) is buttery and fragrant. So crunchy it is sure to annoy your
neighbour in the cinema.

Worst Tasting: Choa Chu Kang cineplex sure has a way of taking the taste
out of the cinema staple. Bland, soft and unfragrant, the popcorn there is
not worth $2.50.

BOX-OFFICE STAFF

Most Polite: United Artists at Beach Road has wonderfully polite staff that
never break down no matter how long the box-office queues are. If you happen
to be lost on your way to a screen, ask any staff member and he will lead you
there gladly.

Rudest: Singapura cinema is manned by a very fierce woman who will hang up
on you should you call her and ask for the cinema's address.

Cartoon Caption Contest, 15 February 2009

2009-02-28T22:30:00.001+08:00

The shortlisted ones:
"Hey dude, you mustbe out of your mind.
I cannot even cash out my capital-protected investment plan."
- Lee Kian Wee

"You have not been reading about banks' financial health lately?!"
- Sim Kwang Seng

And the winning entry:
"Oh, how thoughtful of you! It isn’t BYOB Day,
but you still brought your own bag!"
- Darius Xu Jun Ling

You a foreigner?

2009-02-28T22:20:00.000+08:00

Are you new to Singapore?
Do you want to know more about my country?
Here's a crash course:

Singapore is a place where...

...research has shown that its people
have the worst eyesight in the world
(myopic symptoms evident at MRT waiting lines).

...schooling is a harrowing experience
(for the parents).

...93% of the population are literate
(the remaining 7% can be found in cinemas...)

(...and on public transport).

...social unrest is unheard of
(except where Hello Kitty toys, $1 BreadTalk breads
and free M1 GSM handphones are involved).

After bubble tea, now comes blended tonic

2009-02-28T22:15:00.000+08:00

[Published on 10 April, 2002]
With local firms rebranding traditional fare, expect a range of tonic drinks,
blended with herbs and fruit juices
To keep Singapore's $10-billion food-export industry growing, local companies
are rebranding themselves and repackaging their traditional fare.
Local Chinese-medicine retailer Eu Yan Sang International, for example, is
setting out to change the image of its traditional products by bringing in a
new range of tonic drinks from the United States - blended with Chinese herbs
and fruit juices - to capture the taste buds of the young.
Step aside, bubble tea. The new-age herbal drinks will come in six flavours,
with names like 'virtual nirvana' to calm the spirit and 'yin from the cold'
to relieve toxicity.

Soon, it will be e-cheques

2009-02-28T22:10:00.000+08:00

[Published on 5 May, 1998]
At least three local banks are exploring the possibility of introducing
electronic cheques, a cheap and speedy new Internet-based method of payment.
All a user needs is an Internet-ready computer equipped with a smart card
reader and an e-cheque account. A software program supplied by a bank will
provide the "electronic cheque book". Users can write out and send an e-cheque
with a few keystrokes and the recipient will forward the cheque electronically
to the bank for payment.
And users will not run out of cheques.

Begone, tooth decay!

2009-02-28T22:05:00.000+08:00

[Published on 30 April, 1998]
British scientists have said they have developed a vaccine which
could put an end to tooth decay and do away with the misery of
the dentist's drill. The vaccine is painted onto the teeth and
is safe for adults and children.
The plant-based vaccine produces antibodies that prevent harmful
bacteria from sticking to teeth and causing cavities.
The development would lead to the end of tooth decay and the vaccine
could be available in about four years.
The achievement marks the culmination of 25 years of research.
In a preliminary trial, 15 dental students and other volunteers had
the vaccine dripped over their teeth twice a week for three weeks.
The treatment was then stopped and it was found that four months
later the volunteers were still protected against tooth decay.
The scientists believe protection could last much longer.
Larger clinical dental trials are to start later this year.

Cartoon Caption Contest, 25 January 2009

2009-02-01T14:00:00.002+08:00

The shortlisted ones:
"Hello! Gong Xi Fa Cai!
Owe hong bao, pay hong bao!"
- Francis Tan

"The financial crisis has hit us!
Where are our bailout hong bao when we need them?"
- Cheong I-Ning

And the winning entry:
"Where have our God and Goddess of Wealth gone to?"
- Lee Siak Cheong

Prediction: Future Joy #22

2009-01-25T18:03:00.002+08:00

Two ratings for all movies shown in the cinemas.

Prediction: Future Joy #21

2009-01-25T17:58:00.002+08:00

A truly effective slimming pill, brought to us by the maker of Viagra.
And without any side-effects too.

Prediction: Future Joy #20

2009-01-25T17:55:00.001+08:00

For the busy executives on the go -- food in tablet form;
it tastes like the real thing and is equally stomach-filling.

Cartoon Caption Contest, 18 January 2009

2009-01-25T17:46:00.002+08:00

The shortlisted ones:
"Aha! I see what you meant by 'triple vision'!"
- Liu Yi Na

"As a teacher, you're handling too many pupils
for your own good."
- Steffi Phua

"Uncle, you've put in a paperweight instead of your
glass eye again."
- Frederick Law

"That's a funny place to have a power outlet..."
- Mohd Faizal bin Selamat

And the winning entry:
"The Adult Education instructor asked you to dot your i’s,
not EYES!!"
- Sunitha G

Employers vs Maids

2009-01-25T16:31:00.011+08:00

[Published on May 3, 1998]

HOW THEIR VIEWS DIFFER

Days off
Maids: We want a day off every week.
Employers: They should get a day off only every fortnight.
Indonesian maids should not get any days off, as stipulated
in most of their contracts.

Having friends over
Maids: We should be allowed to invite our pals over if we ask permission.
Employers: Absolutely not!

Living quarters
Maids: We want our own room.
Employers: They have to make do with the living space available.

Car-washing
Maids: Washing the car is the driver's job.
Employers: It is a domestic chore which they should do.

MAIDS' PET PEEVES

LAST-MINUTE ORDERS
"Sometimes, my employers tell me not to cook lunch because they
don't feel like eating. Then suddenly, everybody is hungry and
I have to cook a whole meal in 30 minutes!"

NO DAYS OFF
"I wish my employer would give me Sundays off
for me to rest and buy my personal things."

LITTLE TERRORS
"My former employer’s children used to pull my hair, hit me,
and run away when it was time to bathe. If I tried to scold them,
they told their parents and I got a scolding instead."

WASHING CARS
"I hate washing the car the most because I have to carry heavy buckets
of water down four storeys and the car is parked quite far away."

PUBLIC SCOLDING
"My employer scolds me very loudly, and in front of her guests.
Whenever they misplace something, I am the first to be blamed."

Thien Nhan on print

2009-01-07T00:08:00.005+08:00

On Jan 3, 2009, The Straits Times ran a story on Thien Nhan,
written by my colleague, Judith Tan.

Here is the article in full:

Baby Thien Nhan can thank the blogosphere for his benefactors.
At least one blog has raised more than $30,000 to pay for reconstructive
surgery for his extensive wounds.
Straits Times cartoonist Lee Chee Chew’s blog "Chew On It!", called
the attention of netizens to the abandoned Vietnamese baby who was
savaged by a wild dog. It has since inspired other blogs to help.
In July 2006, Mr Lee, 42, read about the predicament of the infant,
whose unwed teenage mother had left him to die near her family’s shack
in a remote and poor area in the central Vietnamese mountain region.
A wild dog unearthed the newborn from under a pile of leaves, chewed off
his right leg, and destroyed his testicles and penis in the attack.
Villagers found the baby, his pale and bloodied body crawling with ants,
72 hours later, and took him to a nearby hospital.
Mr Lee was "overwhelmed".
The creator of comic strip Chew On It! in The Sunday Times personally
donated at least $1,000 to Thien Nhan, but was moved to do more to
raise money and help give the boy a normal life.
"Coincidentally, he shares the same birth date and year as my own nephew
and I wanted to do something for him," he said.
Since he set up his blog in April last year, it has raised more than
$32,300 through the sales of his books, compilations of his Sunday strips,
and T-shirts.
Now, he said, "I am looking at reprints of my first two books and
all proceeds will go to helping Thien Nhan".
Donations from well-wishers have also poured in through other blogs.
Flowerpod.com.sg raised $1,500, while babyandpapa.com and
blogscapes.wordpress.com both redirect Net surfers to Mr Lee’s blog.
In 2007, the baby was adopted by Ms Tran Mai Anh, 35, a Hanoi journalist
and mother of two boys.
He is now 2-and-a-half years old.
Ms Tran told The Straits Times she could not stop thinking about him
after reports came out, and went looking for him. Months of tracking later,
she found him in December 2007 in the same family hut -- dirty, anaemic and
suffering from diarrhoea.
His wounds had healed but not too well.
According to Ms Tran, the local authorities had inexplicably sent him
back to his family, into the care of his grandparents.
She took him back to Hanoi where he was fitted with his first prosthetic
leg, donated by VietCot, a German-funded charity.
"It is the first of many prosthetic legs he will need as he grows.
Only last month, we flew to the United States for urethral surgery.
Now he is able to urinate normally for the first time," Ms Tran said.
The trip was paid for by donations but she estimates the child will require
US$150,000 (S$218,000) for future prosthetics and reconstructive surgery.
"Although we have never met Uncle Lee in person, we are grateful for
all he has done," said Ms Tran.
She said the reconstruction of Thien Nhan’s genitals would begin as early
as when he turns four.
Dr Joe Rosen of Dartmouth College in the US has agreed to oversee the
complex reconstruction, which will take place in stages over the next
10 to 15 years.
But a lot more funds are needed for Thien Nhan’s lifetime of medical care,
rehabilitation and education.
Mr Lee, who does not like to travel, said he would make the effort to
see the boy "one day".
Ms Tran said Thien Nhan is a smart and sweet-natured boy, who looks
forward to learning to walk.
"Whenever we buy new shoes for him, he would hide the right sides in an
old fridge in the hope that perhaps he’d be able to wear them when he gets
his leg back."
With enough help, he might realise his dreams.

That same day, two little girls dropped by my workplace and handed me a
get-well card which they have made for Thien Nhan:

Thank you, Nursyahirah & Nursyazana. I will mail it to Thien Nhan on your behalf.

After Thien Nhan on print

2009-01-07T00:07:00.008+08:00

So, on the day when Thien Nhan's article appeared in the papers,
I did what I always do in the morning: switched on the computer.

When it finally booted up, I keyed in my email password.

Then --

Never have I received so many emails from readers in a single day,
all wanting to make donations to help the toddler.

My next few days were all spent on replying to these kind folks and
updating the amount collected, all the while praying that I didn't mess up
and get the figure wrong. (Fact: Maths and I do not get along very well.)

It was really tiring; but also very worth it.

[By the way, due to the huge volume of messages,
I may miss your email or acknowledge your donation.
Do email me again if that happens!]

Cartoon Caption Contest, 28 December 2008

2009-01-07T00:04:00.001+08:00

The shortlisted ones:
"Die, we've been spotted!"
- Xu Junling

"Oh those scientists! First it was the watermelon.
Now, insects!"
- Chee Foong Mun

"This is utter plagiarism!
There is no acknowledgement to me!"
- Goh Chern Ping

"Argh! That's how I'll be recycled when I die!!"
- David Fong

And the winning entry:
"Omigawd! You fell into a trash compacter, didn’t you?!"
- Hoon Tian Swang

She's seen Titanic 100 times

2009-01-04T22:36:00.001+08:00

[Published on 9 April, 1998]
An Australian woman has gone overboard for Titanic, sitting through
the film more than 100 times.
An Adelaide cinema manager said the middle-aged woman, who did not want
her identity revealed, had sunk more than A$1,000 (S$1,070) into tickets
and was still coming back for more.
"She has apparently seen Evita more than 100 times and she intends to see
Titanic 150 times," the manager said. "She really enjoys the film."

Alert out for micro-gun

2009-01-04T22:34:00.001+08:00

[Published on 8 May, 1998]
Singapore Police are on the lookout for a new weapon available to
international hijackers and terrorists -- the micro-gun.
A police spokesman said the new weapon looks like an ordinary keychain.
It is 7cm long and 3cm wide, and has a ring on the end. But this .32 calibre
micro-gun is lethal if it falls into the wrong hands.
It can fire just two shots, but these can kill. The weapon is effective from
a distance of up to 20 m.
The weapon could be made in Bulgaria.
The international police agency, Interpol, alerted its 177 member countries,
including Singapore, to the new weapon.
It is an offence to carry or discharge unlicensed firearm in Singapore.
Checks have been stepped up at all entry and exit points to catch those
bringing in the micro-gun.

End to piracy

2008-12-27T17:45:00.002+08:00

[Published on 13 April, 1998]
Singapore has the best record in the Asia-Pacific region for combatting
software piracy, a leading Swiss business institute survey has shown.
For three consecutive years, the International Institute for Management
Development (IMD) has ranked Singapore as the top Asian nation in the
protection of intellectual property rights.
In the survey, the institute ranked Singapore ahead of countries like
Denmark, Austria, France, Japan, Australia, Belgium, Great Britain and
Israel, in stamping out software piracy.
In 1997, the police conducted 560 anti-piracy raids. The market value
of pirated software seized was close to $4 million.

1999 holidays

2008-12-27T17:00:00.001+08:00

[Published on 7 June, 1998]
In 1999, three public holidays fall on Saturday.
Under the Employment Act, if Saturday is your rest day, your
employer must compensate you with another day off if a public
holiday falls on Saturday.
But if Saturdays are half-days for you, tough luck -- it’s considered
a working day, and you’re not entitled to a half-day holiday on
another day to make up for the public holiday falling on Saturday.

Plan to turn night into day

2008-12-27T16:40:00.001+08:00

[Published on 23 July, 1998]
Russian scientists are planning to put what will appear to be a
second moon, 10 times as bright as a full Moon, into the night sky above
London and other cities in November as part of a scheme to end night-time.
The orbiting space mirror will pass across the night sky quickly, up to 16
times in 24 hours, but will last only one night - Nov 9 - before burning up
in the atmosphere, according to a report in the Electronic Telegraph.
The reflecting spacecraft, Znamya 2.5, is part of a Russian-led consortium's
plan which bears some similarities to the plot of the James Bond film
Diamonds Are Forever.
After the one-night feat, the Space Regatta Consortium, led by Energia of
Korolev, near Moscow, wants to launch a constellation of several hundred
mirrors, each up to 100 times brighter than the full Moon.
They will cast sunlight from the far side of the globe into the darkest
corners of Siberia during the Arctic winter and make city street lights
obsolete.
But the proposal has alarmed environmentalists.
Mr Daniel Green, of the Harvard-Smithsonian Centre for Astrophysics, said:
"I cringe to think that we could lose the night sky because of all these
companies with brain-dead ideas."
Mr David Thomas of Bangor University said almost any ecosystem "would get
completely screwed up" and that the permanent daylight could cause more
Arctic ice to melt.
He said plants and animals depended on darkness. "Everything -- sex, movement,
feeding -- is triggered by day-length," he said.

Prediction: Future Joy #19

2008-12-27T16:17:00.001+08:00

All workplaces provide Virtual Reality Headsets for over-stressed employees,
which they can use to chill out.

Prediction: Future Joy #18

2008-12-27T15:31:00.001+08:00

Hell's Angels finally realise that having ear-deafening engines
is so very uncool and switch to silent motorbikes instead.

Prediction: Future Joy #17

2008-12-27T15:30:00.001+08:00

Escalators have two different speeds, hence ending the lengthy debate
on the need for a "stand on the left side" ruling.

Notable Cartoon Caption entries

2008-12-27T14:11:00.003+08:00

23 November 2008

"Your magic pen really works! Now draw me a chest of gold."
- Wee Tai Seng

30 November 2008

"Mommy! Daddy scared me playing ‘Peek-A-Poop’!!"
- Gokkilam A

"For the last time, it's a LEFT turn at Albuquerque!!"
- Mikail Lo

14 December 2008

"The artist who did the ASEAN logo must have gotten
his inspiration from these bananas."
- Lim Soon Kheng

"My goodness! I thought I asked you to make banana fritters...
how come there's a rabbit in the frying pan?!"
- Chan Su Lee

"What?? You're saying my pisang is not long enough
and shrinking?!?"
- Albert Pang Tze Kaan

21 December 2008

"Yours is for the Nice... mine’s for the Naughty."
- Kayley Oh

Prediction: Future Joy #16

2008-11-22T18:09:00.006+08:00

The Parks and Recreation Department fits Elizabethan collars on trees at open carparks.

New homes

2008-11-22T18:09:00.005+08:00

[Published on 9 August, 1997]

PUNGGOL 21
This model HDB new town is so popular that a separate queue has been
set up for it. It will have 48,000 HDB flats and 32,000 private homes by the sea.

CHANGI POINT
The place has its own unique laid-back atmosphere. Five hundred more
houses or low-rise flats are slated. Recreational facilities will be
improved. More chalets are in the works as well.

BUKIT BATOK
URA has proposed hillside condominiums and stepped housing and
houses on stilts in its future plans for the area.

TURF CLUB
When the Turf Club moves to Kranji next year, the estimated 4,000 new homes
that can be built in the prime residential enclave will be a sure bet with buyers.

NEW DOWNTOWN
City-living comes alive. Some 26,000 new homes spoilt for choice of
views: by the park, along the waterfront or in the heart of the new
Central Business District.

Thief with skin problem?

2008-11-22T18:08:00.003+08:00

[Published on 6 April, 1998]
The shoplifter either had a terrible case of the blackheads or was headed for
the black market. Because, hey, why else would anyone pop off with 360 boxes
of Kao Biore Pore Pack?
"I cannot understand why anyone would want to steal so many boxes of the
product," said a security officer at the NTUC outlet in Thomson Plaza.
The Pore Pack, a popular peel-off plaster that removes blackheads, costs
between $3.20 and $5.90 each, depending on the number of plasters in each
pack. Stolen: $1,983 worth of them.
Going by the security officer's suspicions, the theft occurred practically
under his nose that night.
He thinks that two men made off with the packs. "I was observing them.
Then I got a call that I was needed at the delivery bay. When I came back
five minutes later, the whole shelf was cleared of the product," he said.

New telemedicine service soon

2008-11-22T18:06:00.000+08:00

[Published on 16 April, 1998]
The doctor is in - in your home, that is.
People will be able to consult their neighbourhood doctor for advice on
minor ailments, from their homes, over the high-speed SingaporeOne
online network.
That is when a trial video-conferencing medical assistance service begins.
With this new telemedicine service, a patient can arrange to "meet" his
general practitioner online and show him such symptoms as a rash and a sore
throat.
Under the doctor's supervision, a patient can take his temperature,
blood pressure or blood sugar readings. These readings can help the doctor
decide if the patient should come to the clinic, or be referred to a specialist.

When telemedicine service starts

2008-11-22T18:05:00.005+08:00

More Singaporeans are consulting their doctors via telemedicine
with easy-to-use videophones from the comfort of their homes...

Telemedicine service: the real benefit

2008-11-22T18:00:00.004+08:00

... which means, no more waiting at the A&E Department.

Cartoon Caption Contest, 16 November 2008

2008-11-22T17:00:00.003+08:00

The shortlisted ones:
"In line with Singapore's Graciousness Drive,
you have to clean up all your hair from the floor before leaving."
- Long Shu Fen

"Sorry. I had too much beans last night."
-Kerwin Low

"Hmm, your hair is very suitable to make into a wig for me."
- Kelly Chang

"Since there is a financial crisis, be like me:
we can save on shampoo!"
- Wong Siok Hui

Many many participants played on similar themes such as:
- The barber forgot his glasses,
- The barber was formerly a grass-cutter, and
- The barber was a student of Sweeny Todd.

And the winning entry:
"Retrenchment?!
Before I leave I will destroy everything!"
- Jasbir Singh

Cartoon Caption Contest, 02 November 2008

2008-11-08T12:59:00.001+08:00

The one which won:
"Not tonight. So stop popping your sex pill."
- Chan Mun Chee

The one which was shortlisted:
"Make sure this is the last time you wet yourself!"
- M. Mahindran

The one which many, many people sent in
(about 99.5% of all the participants!):
"Did you see my denture which I put in that glass?"

Do try and think differently...
the next winner could be you.

Pretty money

2008-11-08T12:58:00.002+08:00

Flowerpod is a beauty/fashion online community in Singapore. It has kindly
pooled its one-time registration fee of S$12 from new members and
donated the entire gorgeous sum of S$1,500 to help Thien Nhan.
Thanks very much to Flowerpod's Admin, Eric Lim, for making this possible.

Avert your eyes! You are not supposed to see this!!

2008-11-08T12:57:00.001+08:00

It is illegal to take part in an illegal assembly or procession in Singapore.
Two men who joined a protest against rising prices were arrested and fined
for the offence. I was so inspired by this news item that I based one of my
Sunday comic strips on it. Unfortunately it was banned from being published
(as with all toons on Singapore's judicial system)... but luckily, there is the
internet where I can still show it to you:

Speaking of our judicial system, the outcome of two different court cases had
left me extremely befuddled. I have condensed them in a comparative chart below:

I'm not saying that kissing a lady's hand without her consent is okay --
but 6 months as opposed to only 2 for actually harming someone??
Am I missing something?

Cartoon Caption Contest, 26 October 2008

2008-11-08T12:56:00.000+08:00

The winning entry:
"Looking for a full chest? Call 1800-BREAST-IMPLANTS."
- Hew May Leng

The shortlisted ones:
"Send $10,000 to claim the treasure...
sounds like another Nigerian scam."
-Quek Seow Khoon

"I'm leaving you for Captain Bushbeard, baby.
He has got a bigger ship, two strong legs plus ALL of your gold!
-- Your beloved ex-wife, Sarah."
- Chen Zhengyong

"I need this more than you do
-- Johnny Debt."
- Kelvin Soh Weixian

"An IOU note! Looks like our money was taken to bail out some banks!"
- Yio Wei Cong

"What? 1 Bonus Point for NTUC premium dinnerware redemption!"
- Ron Sim Yew Wah

Could have won...
"Thank you. Please try again."
- Wong Lee Chan
...but, thing is, there were many captions similar to it.

Don't expose magic secrets

2008-11-08T12:55:00.000+08:00

[Published on 29 June, 1998]
After a local TV screened the show Breaking The Magician's Code,
it received a protest letter from the Singapore Association of Magicians,
to which the TV station replied that the exposures depicted are of
"entertainment value" to viewers and that magic secrets are already
available to all and sundry in the public libraries.

Here is an excerpt of a follow-up response from the president of
the International Magicians Society:

"The reply given shows a wanton disregard for magic as a performing art and
condonement for the exposure of magic secrets for the sake of increased TV
viewership.
Ethics aside, the TV station has knowingly damaged the rice bowls of many
professional and semi-professional magicians in Singapore.
We all know about how canned applause, laughter, sound effects, aerial
fighting, and gun battles are engineered in the movie industry.
But should all these "secrets" be exposed in the name of public
entertainment?
Like music, opera, painting, ballet, juggling, clowning and mimicking, magic
is an age-old performing art.
Apart from breaking rice bowls, exposure of magic secrets takes the wonder
and fun out of the art."

Prediction: Future Joy #15

2008-11-08T12:54:00.001+08:00

HDB blocks are coated with Teflon-treated paint.
Since Teflon surfaces are slippery and nothing sticks to them,
loansharks can't deface common areas with spray cans or markers.

(Idea inspired by Al Jaffee of MAD magazine)

Euthanasia. Yes? No?

2008-11-08T12:53:00.002+08:00

Opinions from some folks on the street...
(...and the cartoons in this section are a reflection of mine).

MELVYN TAY, 21
Student
"Morally, euthanasia is hard to justify, but I’m agreeable to it overall.
If I were terminally ill, I would opt to die painlessly."

JAMES HIGHFIELD, 56
Research chemist
"It goes against my religious beliefs. We shouldn’t assume to displace
what has been planned for us. Life is a gift."

LILI OSMAN, 29
Civil servant
"I feel that life is sacred but euthanasia should still be an available option.
Checks need to be put in place to prevent loopholes arising.
There should be counselling services for those thinking of doing it."

ELIZABETH TAN, 57
Retiree
"I’m okay with it, provided people are fully informed
and understand the implications of their actions.
It’s a quality-of-life issue for the suffering person."

FAIZ JAAFAR, 38
Sales assistant
"I think it should not be allowed. Even with those who are really sick,
we should not be encouraging them to die faster."

TAN IM CHONG, 72
Retiree
"I think it’s a good idea to allow it. Unless you give the person a choice,
you might just be prolonging their agony.
There should still be strict regulations on who gets to opt for euthanasia."

HO KOON BENG, 47
Renovation contractor
"It’s hard to say. For family members of the terminally ill,
they may want to let their loved one go peacefully.
It’s still a difficult decision to make on behalf of others and
we should definitely consider carefully before we make any laws."

LALITHA SURYANARAYANAM, 40
Homemaker
"When someone is in deep pain, it’s only the wearer
of that shoe who feels it. If that person wants relief,
he should be allowed to get it."

Cartoon Caption Contest, 19 October 2008

2008-10-26T01:50:00.000+08:00

The winning entry:
"This is the lastest in steam-driven automobile --
The Kettillac!."
- Krishna Kumar

The shortlisted ones:
"Check out my car's new exhaust pipe.
Now, I can drive through floods!"
- Julia Chin

"Welcome to Ah Seng Mobile Bak Kut Teh Stall.
Have a seat inside. Youl will be served shortly."
- Cindy Goh Shu Wei

"Hey, this is my grandpa's CNG car back in the 30s!"
- Mustaqim Bin Ramdzan

"Wow! Another splendid contribution to
The Sunday Times' 'WE HELP YOU SAVE' series!"
- Ho Hoi Sang

"You told me to warm up the engine first."
- Brenda Lim Li Ying

Drink and (charity) drive

2008-10-26T01:40:00.004+08:00

After Yeo Puay Lin of Barclays Capital donated $200 of her own money to Thien Nhan,
I thought it was the last I heard of her -- but nooo... that woman and her gang
(Siddharth Kumar, Lynn Sin, Tan Zehuei, Tan Hui Yi, Lim Beeling & Kitty) went
another step to organise Merry Chari, an event where staff contribute money
and the bank pays for drinks.

During the merriment, Chew On It! T-shirts were sold and an impressive
S$3,841 was raised... a sum that will take me months to reach (cough!).
Thank you, Merry Chari team!

Lear turns out to be comedy of errors

2008-10-26T01:30:00.000+08:00

[Published on 13 June, 1998]
British students found to their horror that they had spent two years
studying the wrong play when their examination paper had no questions on
Shakespeare's epic tragedy King Lear.
Bradford Grammar School, whose former pupils include painter David Hockney
and former Labour minister Denis Healey, discovered its curriculum error and
hastily rang the examination board.
A teacher mistakenly taught the pupils King Lear instead of three other
Shakespeare plays which were on the syllabus.
The headmaster, Mr Stephen Davidson, said the teacher was "absolutely
devastated".
A spokesman for the examination board said: "It will have been a stressful
time for the students and we will do everything we can to make sure that they
are not disadvantaged by a mistake that was not their fault."

Prediction: Future Joy #14

2008-10-26T01:25:00.001+08:00

One smart card for all financial transactions.
When swiped through a home computer gadget every April,
it fills up the tax form online, automatically.

Meeting Thien Nhan, Part III

2008-10-26T01:22:00.001+08:00

Back in Hanoi on yet another business trip, my friend Adarsh and his Dad met up
with Thien Nhan again (pixs and captions provided by Adarsh) :

"Thien Nahn with my Dad and I. In his hand is a red toy car that my Dad
bought for him from Singapore."

"Thien Nhan smiling brightly as my Dad cradles him on his lap."

"Thien Nhan sitting on my lap and holding some silly little stick with play-dough
around it and pretending to be a Kung-Fu expert! :) Seated next to me is one
of my Dad's Vietnamese business contacts, Mr. Pham, who also contributes to
Thien Nhan's cause in Hanoi."

"Thien Nhan still playing with his 'kung-fu' stick and trying to look fierce as
I join him in his antics."

"Thien Nhan starting to read his older brother's (Big Minh's) Vietnamese textbook.
Although he really cannot read yet, as he is only 2 yrs +, he is still very clever
and looks at all the pictures and asks his Dad lots of questions."

"Thien Nhan in his Dad's arms, smiling brightly at my Dad (not in picture),
as my Dad amused him by putting on Little Minh's motorcycle helmet
(which little Minh uses when his Mom drops him to school on her motorbike)
on his head! What a bright and brilliant smile! :) "

Prediction: Future Joy #13

2008-10-26T01:15:00.001+08:00

Patrons have to surrender their handphones and pagers
before proceeding into concert/theatre halls. This is to ensure
uninterrupted performances for everyone's enjoyment.

Cartoon Caption Contest, 5 October 2008

2008-10-25T22:26:00.003+08:00

The winning entry:
"You do have a point!"
- Louis Lim

The shortlisted ones:
"Been messing with the new Powerpoint tools again, huh?"
- Stephen See

"Don't think you may slim down
by puncturing yourself with an arrow."
- Ang Teit Kiet

"What a scary Halloween outfit -- a Wall Street analyst
struck by the wooden arrow of financial crisis!"
- Jimmy Ng

"Did you happen to stand under the stocks chart
when it fell?"
- Pameline Kang

And this one -- nonsensical but amusing:
"Oh! Long time no see, Mr Arrow. Have a cup of coffee!"
- Richard Chia

Cartoon Caption Contest, 14 September 2008

2008-09-20T11:00:00.005+08:00

The winning entry:
"Why did you buy an iPhone? You don’t have an ear for music."
- Judy Leong

The shortlisted ones:
"I decided to abduct him because he is smarter and lighter
than the other species on earth..."
-Thomas Wu

"Wow! iPhone from earth. Does it include an 'Universal Plan'?"
- Leong Fook Cheong

"The queue stretched all the way to Jupiter!"
- Hoa Min Hui

Could have won...

"I found this on earth. Doesn't it bring back some memories...?"
- Zhi Hui

...but, thing is, many readers also wrote captions
similar to it.

Orang-utan tries to seduce scientist

2008-09-20T10:00:00.001+08:00

[Published on 20 March, 1997]
An orang-utan being studied by scientists in the Borneo jungle
developed a crush on her psychologist and tried to seduce him.
Dr Gary Shapiro, vice-president of the Los Angeles-based Orang-Utan
Foundation International, developed a close relationship with the
female, Rinnie, when he tried to teach her sign language.
"On my 27th birthday she came up to me and actually greeted me as
I swam across the river. She took me by the hand, walked me across
a dry swamp, and took me behind a tree," he said. "There, on the ground,
she had constructed a day nest which was larger than the normal.
She lay down on the bed, spread her legs and started pulling me
towards her.
"It was a very definite proposition. I signed to her 'No' and she
looked at me with those big eyes. She knew I had scorned her.
From then on she was much colder, not nearly as affectionate and just
very businesslike, though she did get over it."
Dr Shapiro, married with a wife in California, described Rinnie as
"nice-looking and good-natured as orang-utans go".
Fellow orang-utan expert Dr Birtute Galdikas was said to have
joked on Dr Shapiro's return to their camp: "Gary, you should have
done it for science."

Prediction: Future Joy #12

2008-09-20T09:00:00.001+08:00

When a Chinese wedding invitation states that the dinner starts at 7pm, all the guests show up at 7pm. No more wasting time waiting for one another.

Prediction: Future Joy #11

2008-09-20T08:00:00.001+08:00

Text books and homework are all on DVDs -- spelling an end to heavy school bags.

Prediction: Future Joy #10

2008-09-20T06:00:00.003+08:00

We have our very own glass biosphere which we can activate
when the haze or El Nino strikes again.

Cartoon Caption Contest, 07 September 2008

2008-09-20T05:00:00.002+08:00

The winning entry:
"Maybe you should have swallowed your Ribena before sneezing..."
- Janice Tay

The shortlisted ones:
"I think someone vomitted blood when he heard that
the ERP rates are going up."
-Joyce Son Siew Peng

"Existential symbolism of pain?
More like accidental spillage of paint!"
- Aida Mekonnen

Could have won...

"Dear, didn't I sell this to the Karung Guni man last week?"
-Kimberly Ng

"How did our old place mat get up there?"
- Tiffany Leong

" Doesn't that resemble what our 2-year-old Johnnie did last week?"
- Chai Yok Mee

...unfortunately, many readers wrote the same
thing too.