Upgrading?

Some dos and don'ts if your precinct is being upgraded...

DON'T

• Leave valuables in the flat while work is done inside your home.
• Organise group functions like weddings at the void decks
  while upgrading is in progress.
• Use your toilet while the waste pipes are being changed
  in the flats below you.
• Park your vehicle where it might obstruct others.
• Hang out your washing when the external walls are being painted.

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DO

• Keep to appointments for works inside your flat as
  delays will affect the schedule of works for other flats.
• Let the information centre know early if you will away,
  eg. on holiday, when work will be done inside flat.
  Arrange for someone to represent you.
• Arrange for an adult to be in the flat when works are
  carried out inside your home.
• Expect some inconvenience and disruption to your daily routine.

Guess the title!

Yes, "Expressway jams".

Traffic conjestions on the highways can be amusing.
As long as you are not in it.

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Snapshots from Mars

[Published on 6 July, 1997]

The Pathfinder space probe sent back a series of breathtaking
colour pictures of Mars just hours after bouncing to a safe
and surprisingly smooth night landing on a boulder-strewn
field of the Red Planet.

The pictures from Pathfinder revealed a mystical,
otherworldly landscapeof wind-blown pink sand, rugged fields
of rocks and boulders and, off in the distance, a beckoning
rolling hillside set against a reddish-brown Martian sky.

AIDS prevention

[Published on 18 Jan, 1998]

In a study done at Tan Tock Seng Hospital, 81 per cent of the
patients were infected through unprotected sex with prostitutes.

Most had visited prostitutes overseas. And elderly men with Aids
have a poorer survival rate, an average of three months,
compared with younger HIV patients.

Car-sharing

[Published on 18 Aug, 1997]

The first car cooperative at Toh Yi estate was launched with a slew
of penalties aimed at the inconsiderate user.

The 125 who have expressed interest in joining the scheme will be
sharing the use of four manual 1.3-litre Mitsubishi Lancers.

But they will have to observe strict rules. For instance, anyone who
returns a car more than 10 minutes late or with the petrol tank less
than a quarter full will have to pay a $25 fine to the next user.

Cartoon Caption Contest, 25 May 2008

If you are participating in this contest,
do remember to paste your entry at the back of an envelope.

When people start thinking alike, they give the same captions:
The kid tells her mum she couldn't find the loo and used the cup.
- 2 entries

The kid asks whether her mum saw the jellyfish/tadpole/crab which
she caught and had left in the cup.
- 5 entries

The kid announces that she forgot where she buried her daddy/
brother/sister/friend.
- More than 25 entries

Here are the shortlisted ones:
"Mom, I think I lost two of my toes."
-Ang Wei Tung

"ICJ just ruled again - Pedra Branca is to be auctioned off on eBay."
- Nicholas Yong

This is the winning entry:
"Dad’s busy! He’s helping a lady look for her bikini top!"
- Rosalind Lim Gek Neo

Crossword proposal

[Published on 11 Jan, 1998]

A New York man found a novel way of proposing to his girlfriend -
he asked The New York Times crossword editor to devise a puzzle
that had "Will You Marry Me" as an answer to one of the clues.

Mr Bill Gottlieb wanted no doubt about the outcome, so he and
puzzle compilers built in another clue with the answer "Yes"
for girlfriend Emily Mindel, an avid fan of the crossword.

Court news

[Published on 15 Jan, 1998]

A woman threw a stamp pad and date stamp at a library's clerical officer
who had refused to renew her books because she had cut the queue.

For that, she was fined S$3,000 by the District Judge.