Me, a thief? But I am behind bars

[Published on 5 May, 1997]

A Danish robber thought he had the perfect alibi in a string of burglaries --
he was in jail.

But police discovered he slipped out regularly by night to burgle houses
and shops.

The man, 29, who is serving a prison term for armed robbery in
Jyderup, west of Copenhagen, was found out when guards searched
his cell and found stolen goods worth 40,000 kronor.

"He managed to push apart the bars of his cell and leave the prison,
which has no surrounding wall but an exterior fence," police said.

He replaced the bars carefully on his return.

In court, he denied that he had committed at least seven burglaries.

Taxing time

[Published on 3 April, 1997]

Their predicament may have evoked international sympathy, but the
plight of the hostages held inside the Japanese ambassador's residence
in Lima for 105 days apparently holds little sway with the tax man.

The Peruvian tax office said the roughly 50 hostages who are Peruvian
citizens will have a month after their release, whenever that is,
to pay their 1996 income taxes.

Peruvians must file their 1996 returns by April 2, but people inside the
besieged residence need "a period that allows them to comply with the
filing of their annual tax statements", the statement said.

Slow down! Cows and cheeses ahead

[Published on 14 July, 1998]

Radar cameras around Geneva are being done up ostentatiously in fancy
colours and painted to look like Swiss cows and cheeses as a way of alerting
drivers to their presence and getting them to slow down on the road.

"The idea is to provide a hint for drivers because the radar is intended to
be preventive rather than repressive," said the police spokesman.

One speed trap has a board painted to look like a black-and-white Swiss cow,
while another has been made to look like a large yellow Swiss Emmenthal
cheese full of holes.

"The equipment has a preventive role and we have no interest in hiding it.
Our aim is not to collect as many speeding fines as possible but to ensure
safety," the police chief said.

Jamming allowed

[Published on 9 Nov, 1997]

After a cafe was fined $2,000 for allowing jam sessions on its premises
(which the authority deemed 'illegal'), the prohibition was relaxed
following a review of licensing conditions.

Licensees can now apply for a waiver of this condition if audience
participation is necessary for the entertainment that is provided
in the outlets, such as jazz entertainment and magic shows.

So if you feel like joining in a spontaneous jam session with musicians
playing in a pub, go ahead.

But first check that the entertainment outlet has official permission
for audience participation.

Hats off to a brave new House

[Published on 6 June, 1998]

Britain's House of Commons, often accused of living in the past,
plans to take another step into the 20th century this week by getting
rid of its "top hat" regulation.

Two collapsible opera hats are kept in reserve at either end of the
panelled chamber for use by members who want to catch the speaker's eye
and raise a point of order during a vote.

The custom dates from the 19th century, when all MPs kept their hats on
during debates, only removing them to speak.

The Parliament's modernisation committee recommended that the regulation
should be scrapped.

It observed that "this particular practice has almost certainly brought
the House into greater ridicule than almost any other, particularly
since the advent of television".

The government and opposition agreed that the hats would have to go.

Cartoon Caption Contest, 22 June 2008

  











Many readers played on the 'budget airline' or 'extra legroom' concept.
Here are some who didn't:

The winning entry:
"I told you it wasn’t a typo when
your boarding pass stated ‘WINGDOW SEAT’."
- Alvin Yee

The shortlisted ones:
"Should have read the fine print when they offered
a $200 discount if I bring my own seat."
- Enson

"The result of snoring loudly in the plane."
- Sherlyn Lee Chen Sing

"Oh my god! What is the pilot doing outside?"
- Mak De-Shun

"Well done, our new stick-on hairpiece
pass the test with flying colours."
- Teng Hong Beng

"Sir, our airline's motto is 'Now everyone can fly'."
- Nadarajan Packirisamy

"When I requested for a window seat, I didn't know
I need to specify which side of the window I want!"
- Angela Teh

And my personal favourite:
"Oei, you are blocking my view!"
- Ong Eng Hui

Cartoon Caption Contest, 15 June 2008

 
















This is the winning entry:
"Sorry, your mail has been returned
due to insufficient postage."
- Ang Keng Cheng

Here are the shortlisted ones:
"At last, the verdict from ICJ --
this island is mine!"
- Jasbir Singh

"Don't look now, but you've been followed."
- Peggie Khoo Cheng Paik

"Oh no! I wrote this 10 years ago!"
- Annie Liu

Free funerals

[Published on 4 Jan, 1998]

The Bangkok Metropolitan Administration (MBA) will provide
free funerals for poor Thais as part of the Chuay Thai
(Thais Help Thais) scheme to help the less fortunate during
the economic crisis.

Low-income families would now be able to save thousands of
baht spent on cremations at 40 designated Buddhist temples
throughout the capital.

Low-income families usually take loans with high interest rates
to organise funerals.